Controlled by Fear
by Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom
Summary: Emotions are supposed to only guide humans in their daily lives their effects on the human mind being felt, while only occasionally getting verbal input. When an accident in headquarters causes a preteen girl to hear the emotions inside her own head, she must adjust to this new phenomenon while going through the turmoil of her daily life.
1. Chapter 1: Fear's Promise

Controlled by Fear: Chapter One-Fear's Promise.

Author's Note: Looking back over my story, I realized that I need to explain a few things, such as why Fear was Joy's first emotion, the additional, overwhelming responsibility Fear puts on herself and hint at what Joy and consequently her emotions suffer from. I won't be able to update constantly, as Real Life can get busy, however, I will add chapters as I go along, when I can.

Fear glanced over her shoulder at the couch where Bliss was hugging Sadness, who was openly crying. Fear sometimes secretly wondered if there was something psychologically wrong with Sadness. Did all Sadness emotions cry for hours at a time? Was this normal? Fear wished she could speak to other Sadness's but it was impossible to speak to other emotions in people's heads, at least according to the Mind Manuals that she read. Fear figured Sadness Spirals were from Sadness's constant stress. Fear glanced down at her own hands to notice that they were trembling uncontrollably. Fear nibbled on her fingernails, a nervous habit she always had.

"Joy, quit biting your nails!" Mom snapped. Both Fear and Joy jumped and Fear pressed a button a second before Joy jerked her finger from her mouth, then sighed and resorted to tearing her fingernails off her fingers. A habit Fear had somehow inadvertently passed down to Joy since her girl was five. Fear stared at her bitten off nails. Disgust said it was a nasty habit but how else was Fear supposed to relieve the nervous tension?

"How are you doing, Joy? OK?" Fear asked as she adjusted the throttles back and forth. Fear didn't expect her girl to answer her, hosts rarely did but it was nice to talk to Joy and spend a lot of time with her, at least. Joy was a good kid, she never purposefully put herself in danger, never gave Fear a heart attack, unlike those rebelliously defiant kids Fear read about in Anger's newspaper. Sure, Joy was a little reckless from time to time but that was because she didn't think of the consequences of her actions. Joy could get seriously hurt from that or killed from just one miscalculation. Fear noticed bubbles floating above her head with scenarios of her girl falling from a tree and breaking every bone in her body, jumping off a cliff and snapping her neck or getting hit by a meteor playing inside them. Joy whipped her head around, her body tensing. Noticing she was gripping the throttles too tightly, Fear slowly loosened her grip and took a deep breath.

"Shh, it's alright, you're safe," Fear murmured, as Joy settled back into the car seat with a sigh of relief.

"Shh, it's alright, you're safe," Joy murmured, wrapping her hands around her arms.

Fear smiled at Joy accidentally repeating what the emotion had just said. It was times like these when Fear was sure that Joy had heard her and could communicate with her host, even for just a few seconds. It comforted Fear to know that Joy knew Fear was right there, keeping her safe, if only unconsciously. Fear had promised that she would always keep Joy safe, ever since Joy was born.

Most people thought prematurely born babies were too young to develop emotions but Fear was the first emotion that had arrived in Joy's Headquarters. Of course, Fear had been scared of the new place she was in and confused why she arrived there so early. She was supposed to arrive three months later, she was way too young to protect her host from the dangers of this world. She was also terrified at how small the baby in front of her was. Nevertheless, Fear cautiously pushed the button on the console, making the tiny baby squirm in discomfort, replayed the memory orb and sent it rolling down the track to the many shelves behind the couch. Fear made a promise to Joy right then and there, to always keep her girl safe.

The peace and safety of being alone with her girl forever was shattered once Anger came roaring in thirty three seconds later, after Joy got her skin pricked with a needle. Fear had scrambled away from the flame headed emotion and huddled in the fetal position in a corner for half an hour, hyperventilating. Headquarters only became more crowded after that, with Sadness soon joining Fear and Anger, making Joy cry in disappointment, while Bliss made Joy smile in contentment at being held by the nurses and Disgust making Joy give Mom a dirty look at being dressed in a bunny suite and put in an Easter basket. Fear quickly discovered her job was to keep Joy safe, Sadness's job was to express disappointment, feel empathy and allow Joy to feel Bliss, Bliss's job was to get Joy excited or content about anything, Disgust's job was to prevent Joy from getting poisoned and Anger's job was too…Fear had no idea what Anger's purpose in Joy's life was, besides getting her hurt. He couldn't go anywhere else, Fear checked. As long as Fear contained Anger, life would be perfectly safe.


	2. Chapter 2: Fear's Responsibility

Controlled by Fear

Chapter Two-Fear's Responsibility

"Mom, if hypothetically, someone calls me names and there's no way to stop them and it causes me to call myself those names, what do I do about that?"

"Joy," Mom sighed, sounding sad that Joy was asking about this. "I was hoping that you would be asking about this as a preteen, not when you're seven. However, sometimes you have to be your own best friend."

"How do I become my own best friend?" Joy asked in a desperate eagerness.

"Instead of talking negatively about yourself, you encourage yourself."

"So, like, if someone calls you stupid, you call yourself smart."

"Exactly," Mom nodded, emphatically.

Fear stepped around the controls, letting Bliss drive for the moment. A heavy weight settled on Fear's shoulders at Mom's words. She didn't know if letting the emotions protect Joy was the right thing to do but she'd do anything to prevent her host's spirit from getting destroyed. Fear smiled wistfully as she placed her palms on the screen. Her heart ached as she wished she could pick Joy up, hug her and assure her that everything would be alright. Glad that no one could hear her, Fear closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around thin air, pretending she was holding Joy at this moment and began to sing. "Nothing's going to destroy you, not while I am here. Nothing's going to destroy your soul, not while I am here. Evil's taking human form, nowadays. I'll protect you from them, I'll be there, I've got ways. Some out there will desert you but I wouldn't dare. Those you trust may hurt you, do not worry, call and I'll be there. I will never lie to you, like some people do. No one's going to destroy you. Evil may trick you for a while with a smile but in time…I will help you be strong, whether this is right or wrong, nothing will destroy you, not while I am here. 

"Nothing's going to destroy you, not while I am here," Bliss joined in, leading Fear back to the console and placing Fear's hand on the button, next to hers. "Nothing's going to destroy your soul, not while I am here. Happiness is hard to find, nowadays. I'll show you simple pleasures, there's several here, I've got ways."

"Nothing's going to destroy you, not while I am here. Nothing's going to destroy your soul, not while I am here. Hopelessness is all around you, nowadays. It's okay to feel sadness, I'll give you empathy, I've got ways," Sadness also placed her hand on the button as she sang.

"Nothing's going to destroy you, not while I am here. Nothing's going to destroy your soul, not while I am here. Judgement's all around you everywhere, nowadays. I'll develop your sarcasm, I've got ways."

"Nothing's going to destroy you, not while I am here. Nothing's going to destroy your soul, not while I am here. The world's cruel all around you, everywhere, nowadays. I'll fight for your fairness when people can care less, I've got ways."

"I'll take responsibility, just leave it all up to me. Nothing's going to destroy you, not while I am here. Evil's taking on human form, nowadays, I'll protect you from them, I'll be there, I've got ways. Some out there will desert you but I wouldn't dare. Those you trust may hurt you, do not worry, call and I'll be there. I will never lie to you, like some people do. No one's going to destroy you. Evil may trick you for a while with a smile but in time…I will help you be strong, whether this is right or wrong, nothing will destroy you, not while I am here." A second later, a memory orb in purple, yellow, blue, green and red colors rolled down the aisle. All of the emotions hurried over to it, realizing that is featured them singing to comfort Joy. Noticing a Personality Island forming, all of the emotions ran to the window and watched as it featured all four of them giving Joy a group hug. The name for this island came to their minds immediately, Resilience Island. Fear didn't know what Joy's future held, which scared Fear but with the emotions protecting their host, Fear's girl would be just fine. Disgust and Bliss removed their hands from the console, giving their girl some space, she was already shifting from foot to foot, not used to feeling them all at once.

"I wish I didn't have to take this responsibility, already. I just want to be a normal kid!" The thought echoed all around them. It was one of the few times when all five emotions clenched their fists in anger at the unfairness of their girl's life. Sadness grasped the throttles and pushed them down, gently nudging Anger out of the way. Joy sighed wearily from Sadness's influence.

"There, there, Joy, it's alright, I'm here, I'll take care of you," Sadness murmured. She pushed a few blue buttons, careful not to make the girl cry, she didn't want to alarm Mom.

'I didn't choose my life, though, this is the life I lead now, whether I like it or not.'

Bliss and Anger joined Sadness's side, as Sadness stepped back from the console. Bliss and Anger both pushed their individually color coded buttons and smiled at their combined effort.

'If this is the responsibility I have to take on to survive my mean teacher, then I will do so. I will become emotionally resilient!


	3. Chapter 3: Fear's Longing

Chapter Three

Fear's Longing

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait, everybody, real life got in the way, it's tough being a graduate student earning a master's degree in teaching and working a full-time job as well as a part time one on the same week. Anyway, here's my promised revision of Chapter 3, which gives you a major hint of what Joy and so consequently her emotions suffer from. My inner Joy is bouncing off the walls of Headquarters in excitement that I'm finally writing about my most traumatic personal experiences, something I had tried to do for years! My Fear is having a miserable time of remembering these events and would rather I forget they ever happened to me. How can I when they shaped who I am, though? Anyway, on with the story!

"We did not die today! I call that an unqualified success! Great job surviving another day, Team Safe!" A lavender skinned nerve announced, holding a clipboard and pencil. "Let's send all of these orbs into Long Term Memory and get some sleep, I'll do Dream Duty tonight." 

Bliss, Sadness, Disgust and Anger watched as Fear pressed the button on the floor. Many memory orbs recording the feelings of the day in colors of yellow, blue, red, green and lavender soared up the large tube in the middle of the room. The four remaining emotions then waved back to Fear and wished her a goodnight, trudging up the ramp to their respective rooms as Fear placed a chair in front of the console and collapsed into it, sighing with relief once everyone left. Despite Fear's enthusiastic attitude moments before, this was definitely not Joy's better days, especially that evening. It didn't help that Fear didn't feel well, despite the day before of rest she got. Not to mention the sleep deprivation she felt from forcing herself to stay up late for nights at a time, as well as awake for most of the days. Most emotions found Dream Duty the most boring part of their jobs, with the only responsibility of waking the host up if things on the screen got too intense. Fear would rather do Dream Duty any night of the week than to fall asleep in her own bed, that's why she volunteered for the job so often. Sure, it meant Fear didn't get as much sleep as she should but she'd rather live every minute of her life day and night in stress than to let Joy worry about going to sleep. Fear shuddered as she called up the memory of that nightmare. That was the worst nightmare Fear had ever seen and she had assisted several human hosts for many years before she took over caring for this one. Maybe that's why Joy wasn't afraid of monsters hiding under her bed or in her closet the way most human kids younger than her went through at the toddler stage. Or maybe she just had more important things to worry about. Personally, Fear blamed her most watching the news and America's Most Wanted TV shows, along with learning about sexual abuse from school for creating it in the first place. Her girl ended up locking herself in her bedroom closet and wrapping her arms around her knees, pressed up against her chest, rocking back and forth for half an hour, before eventually falling asleep. As much as Fear hated it, she had expected the nightmares, though. Every kid learned about the horror of sexual abuse for their own protection in school, lately. Joy was especially affected from that scare. It already took Joy a month for her parents to convince her that she could go to sleep without waking up from a nightmare and two months to recover from forcing herself to stay up in terror of having another dream like that one. Being given night lights didn't help, either, she wasn't afraid of the dark, after all. It was only when Mom told Joy that she could change her dream with a flip of a switch, like how the TV's remote control worked, that Fear found the dream switching button underneath the control panel. Ever since the most vivid nightmare of Joy's life played on screen, Fear pleaded with Dream Productions to let her suffer from the nightmares, rather than have her girl go through it, when a Mind Inspector came up to Headquarters with an angry complaint from the dream making company downstairs, the next day. Everyone in the end agreed for Fear to take on this additional task, even though Fear was bending the rules in doing so. Technically, it was illegal to take that added responsibility, emotions weren't supposed to have dreams, after all. Fear had promised to protect Joy when she first took on the job, the poor kid needed some peace in her life and she certainly wasn't getting it while awake. Fear was warned that preventing Joy from having nightmares would make her suffer in other ways, how could it not, after all she was going through? Fear had worked with adult male soldiers relivi9ng the traumas of war and teenage female victims reliving their rapes through the many centuries but she never expected a little girl to suffer from day mares, as everyone called the sudden burst of memories when anything would trigger them. It was only when everyone went to bed and Headquarters became quiet that Fear picked up the lavender memory orb she had hidden from the others earlier that day and replayed it, forcing herself to remember the most anguished part of the day for both her and her host.

"Help me," Joy begged as Dad left her at the table and chair in the living room. "Somebody, anybody, please help me, get me out of this life! I can't do this, I can't live another day like this, please take me away, I can't survive one more day of this Living Nightmare! I just want to feel safe!"

Joy's fearful pleading nearly ripped Fear's heart out, it was already twisting itself in knots as it beat painfully in her chest. "Oh Joy, can't you hear me, can't you feel my presence? I'm here, I'm right here, please notice me, please recognize me, please be comforted by me!" Fear screamed at the screen, pounding buttons on the console with one hand as she continued to apply pressure to the lever she was clutching with the other so hard her palm hurt.

Fear's stomach hurt, snapping her out of her memory from earlier that day. Fear reached down to grasp her stomach, accidentally knocking the large, white, gauzy bandage around her chest off. Fear gasped as she felt the painful tearing of her wounds reopening; thick, red liquid pouring out, which she remembered was blood. A tightening, burning sensation appeared in her throat, as a lump formed in the middle of it, growing in size as it rolled up, becoming a large, watery ball. 'I just want to comfort my host, to make her feel safe, like I'm supposed to. I can protect her from all other dangers but I can't protect her from this continuous onslaught of, ow! Oh, my chest!" As Fear's eyes burned from a clear liquid entering them, clinging onto the edges of her eyelids, she realized that the reason why her host relived this waking nightmare and all of the emotions got wounded because of it, was because of her, Fear. "It's my fault, it's all my fault, if Joy didn't feel me, she wouldn't hurt so much-she wouldn't get-and she wouldn't be so fearful all of the time and she wouldn't have to be afraid to go home!" At this realization, the watery ball rolled out of her throat, through her mouth in a screaming moan of pain, as the clear liquid burst from her eyes. Tightly clutching her chest to apply pressure to her wound to stop the bleeding with one hand, Fear covered her wet face with the other, hunched over on the couch.

"Why are you screaming so loud to wake up all of Headquarters? It's the middle of the night!" Anger roared.

"What is going on?" Disgust yawned.

"Was it another nightmare, did you wake Joy up?" Bliss asked.

"What on _earth?!_ FEAR!" Sadness's voice shrieked. Running footsteps headed toward the couch, as Sadness pushed Fear up. Blood pooled onto Fear's pants, staining the indigo material a dark red.

"Oh no, this is bad! Oh, Fear, stay there, I'll hold you down and go grab the first aid kit."

Anger's eyes popped open at seeing Fear bleeding all over her clothes. Sadness couldn't possibly do two jobs at once. Despite being in pain, Fear's fear of being tortured again was far greater than any discomfort she might momentarily feel. Using the surge of icy adrenalin coursing through her body, Fear vaulted over the couch and ran around Headquarters, looking for a place to hide. Anger tackled the raw nerve as she ran by him, attempting to pin her to the floor despite her vicious struggle. Sadness grabbed onto Fear's still flailing limbs as they both tightened their grips, ignoring her desperate screams and dragged her to the couch, lifted her above it and deposited Fear onto the cushions, below. Seeing no one else helping himself and Sadness, Anger sprung into action. "Sadness, push Fear onto the couch if she gets up again, Bliss, help Sadness hold Fear down again, Disgust, help me find the first aid kit," Anger directed, walking towards the console, where it was hidden for cases of emergency, which were often. When Anger noticed no one move at his orders, his orange hair caught fire. "Didn't you hear what I said?! MOVE! _NOW!_ " Sadness gave Fear an apologetic look and held her arms still. Bliss ran to the couch and held her legs.

"No, please don't do this to me. I don't want to be in any pain," Fear begged, as Anger took Sadness's place in holding her down. Gently removing Fear's hand still pressed into her wound a minute later, Sadness cut the stained hounds tooth vest and unbuttoned the polo shirt to expose the white, gauzy bandage, completely soaked in Fear's own blood. Try to prevent what she knew would happen next, Fear jerked her arm loose and immediately brought her hand up to block Sadness's gloved ones.

"Fear, I'm sorry but you have to stay still," Sadness apologized, grabbing Fear's hand and prying it off.

"Can't you give me some anesthesia or numbing medicine or take the bandage off gently, something to make the process less painful?" Fear begged.

"No, I'm sorry, I can't."

"Wait! Please, don't do this to me, please, it hurts so much!" Fear's eyes filled with tears of terror as she pleaded.

"I'm so sorry Fear, I know it's painful but we have to clean your wound and the longer you wait, the worse it gets…Take a deep breath in, hold it and let it out slowly, feel the peaceful calm wash over you. Find your happy place and go to it, can you see it?" Fear nodded in response, her body completely relaxed with a smile on her face. "On the count of three, I'm going to rip the bandage off…One…two…three!" Sadness gasped, tearing the gauzy, bandage up and throwing it in the nearby trash can. Fear arched her back and let out a heart-stopping scream of pain. Sadness looked at the wound and winced, trying not to back away from her colleague. She could hear the other emotions gasp and cry out in horror behind her at the sight before them. The deep, large cuts in Fear's chest bubbled and squirted up blood, like it was spewing red vomit everywhere. Reaching for a white towel, Sadness pressed it onto Fear's chest. Finally, after waiting for what felt like forever, the blood at last subsided. Lifting the blood soaked towel and throwing it on top of the bandage, Sadness peered into Fear's still opened wounds. Just beyond the edges of the cuts were black tendrils of a thick, wavering substance. Seeing the large, metal tweezers Sadness had grabbed to pull the black substances out with, Fear thrashed around in Anger and Bliss's grips.

"No, no, please God no, don't do this to me, I beg of you please, please!"

Sadness took a deep breath and plunged the metal tweezers down into the wound, causing Fear to give another heart-wrenching scream as blood squirted up everywhere, again. "Make it stop, oh please make it stop!" Fear shrieked between her sobs as Anger and Bliss pressed their hands firmly onto her chest as she jerked in automatic spasms. Fear gave another gut rending scream as Sadness pulled the solid, wriggling substance out of Fear's chest.

"One," Sadness counted, as she dropped the black letters into another, covered bucket.

"For the love of God, please stop!" Fear screamed, as Sadness grasped the tweezers and plunged them into Fear's chest again, this time digging them in, deeper. Fear screamed louder, at an even higher pitch, as pain exploded all over the inside.

"I know this hurts but I have to get them all out now, before they do anymore damage to you and to Joy." Gripping the tweezers tightly, Sadness yanked the second connected black substance out.

"End this, please Sadness just end this, I can't take it anymore!"

"I know, we're almost finished, hold on, just a little bit more!" Sadness encouraged, trying to hold back her own tears. Tugging hard with the tweezers, Sadness pulled back another squirming, black substance. "Three," Sadness muttered, dropping it too into the bucket.

"Kill me! Please just kill me, I don't want to be in anymore pain!" Fear pleaded, desperately.

"I know Fear, just one more and I promise we'll be done, just one more," Sadness begged, as she plunged the tweezers even deeper into the wound. Fear screamed even louder and burst into tears again as Sadness grasped the last black thing. Twisting and yanking, Sadness finally lifted the dangerous substance out of Fear's chest, as it writhed and wrapped itself around the tweezers she was holding. "Four…I can't get anymore out, the rest are too deep in to reach with the tweezers," Sadness sighed with disappointment, as she dropped the now blood soaked tweezers into a pan of clear, clean water and lifted up a fresh bandage. "Fear, I need you to hold this to your chest, I'm going to turn you over," Sadness instructed. Gently turning Fear to her side, Sadness wrapped two bandages around Fear's middle. Fear lay silently as she continued to press her hands against her abdomen, panting heavily. Feeling Sadness apply sticky tape to her back to secure the bandage, Fear sighed with relief, her furiously beating heart slowing down to its normal rhythm.

"You can all go back to bed, we're sorry to disturb your sleep," Sadness apologized. The other three emotions headed back up the ramp, Anger grumbling about being woken up in the dead of night. "If Fear didn't jostle her bandage off, then we wouldn't have to redress her wounds twice in one day!" Anger fumed, slamming the door to his bedroom.

"Fear, why were you sobbing so hard? I know it wasn't just from the physical pain of our wounds, we're used to that."

The memory of Joy locking herself in her closet in terror was the fourteenth time Fear wished she could bodily pick her girl up, settle Joy in her lap and gently rock her to assure her host that she was safe. The first time Fear wished she was human so she could comfort her host, was when Joy was five years old and had to go to occupational therapy for sensory processing desensitization training. Sure, being surrounded by loud sounds, which Fear was sure would come after them all to hurt them at the time, was frightening but to be locked in a room with sounds endlessly playing was too much for any emotion to handle. Joy ended up screaming, while huddled in the corner of the occupational therapy room, rocking back and forth and finally bursting into tears when the video cassette recording didn't stop playing. Fear was screaming and sobbing, too, she even threw heavy objects at the viewing screen, trying to break the glass so she could protect her girl.

Fear was so proud of Joy, her girl had come so far since that day and matured so much in the four years since then. Sometimes Fear wondered if Joy was forced to grow up too fast, she wasn't as innocent or carefree like all the other kids her age.

"Fear, what's the matter?" Sadness asked, gently rubbing Fear's shoulder. Fear leapt in surprise at suddenly being touched. Fear hesitated, should she tell Sadness what she wished for? Would the others judge her for wishing to be a human, instead of an emotion? This was Sadness, though. Sadness didn't judge, she was the most compassionate and sensitive emotion that Fear knew. If anyone understood, then Sadness would.

"Sadness, do you ever want to comfort your host like humans do?"

"Of course I do, I also want to give the other kids who leave her out during recess a good dose of empathy!"

Fear grinned at that, then her smile faded as she remembered both Loneliness Island and Stubbornness Island created two years ago, from being left out too often and dealing with people trying to run her life. Noticing the memory orb on the floor, Sadness picked it up and replayed it, silently. The orb turned blue at the end, showing Joy feeling sad. Sadness looked up at Fear and sighed deeply at this. Most of the memory orbs were purple, blue or a combination of both colors, nowadays. There was nothing either emotion could do to end the continuous betrayal, though.

"I wish Joy didn't have to go through this, either, Fear. No child should feel betrayed by people they trust."

"How do you know I don't tell you how I feel," Fear pointed out.

"I saw you hide that memory orb and notice your false praise."

Fear turned her head away and felt her stomach squirm at Sadness's admittance. She felt Sadness's wide hand gently grasp her chin and turn her head so that Fear was looking at her. Fear sighed deeply, as a wave of exhaustion crashed on top of the inside of her, closing her eyes, so that she wouldn't have to look into Sadness's blue depths. Despite her closed eyes, Fear felt her eyes sting with water, her eyelids fill, then a tear trickle down her cheek. Sadness brushed it away with her thumb and rubbed Fear's cheek with her hand.

"I'm worried about you, Fear. You're my best friend as well as my colleague. You're clearly working yourself to death, anyone can see that. You've taken on Dream Duty as well as the leadership role, with hardly any sleep, it's no wonder you're getting sick. You can't help Joy fully if you're sick, you know that. How about you let me do Dream Duty for tonight, so you can get some sleep?"

Fear shook her head frantically at Sadness's suggestion, feeling her body quiver at Sadness's words.

"Why not? Fear, you're exhausted, why won't you let anyone help you? Why won't you let me help you? Please Fear, I don't want you to get hurt."

Fear paused to gather her thoughts. Despite knowing she needed sleep, Fear was afraid for her host all the time, both psychologically and physically, especially at night. It was her job to protect Joy or die trying. She also feared what she would dream that night. "I'm afraid to sleep." Sadness gave Fear an understandingly curious look at Fear's words. "I'm afraid of the nightmares," Fear admitted, looking down at her lap, refusing to meet Sadness's gaze.

"Fear, listen to me, how about I lay next to you? I'll do Dream Duty while you sleep, would you like that?"

Fear nodded wordlessly as she laid down on the couch, putting her head on a pillow, as Sadness covered them both with a blanket. Fear stiffened as Sadness wrapped her arm securely around the lavender nerve, then slowly relaxed, as she felt the warmth of Sadness's body heat transfer to hers. At long last, Fear closed her eyes and let the comforting darkness overtake her whole body and mind.


	4. Chapter 4: The Accident

Controlled by Fear

Author's Note: Obviously, I don't own Disney-Pixar's Inside Out, to do so would be wishful thinking on my part. Anyway, this story is rated PG, it is, however, a very dark story, just to warn you, now.

Chapter Four-The Accident.

Ten year old Joy watched the TV screen in front of her on a typical Saturday morning, wondering if she should change the channel to something more interesting than Beast Wars as its opening theme song came on. The plots on this TV series were all the same, there were no relatable characters and the only other TV program on was Sesame Street. True it was geared toward a younger audience, but it was hopefully a way to overcome her struggles in math and one of the few times in her life when she felt completely safe, besides her daydreams and movies. In Joy's mind, her five emotions were just as bored with watching the mindless TV as their host was.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is more boring than Dream Duty," Fear grumbled, "Sesame Street's much safer than getting bored to death. The writers of this Beast Wars program can't even pick a complicated plot line."

"Fear, for the last time she can't watch Sesame Street, she's too old for it!" Disgust snapped, rolling his eyes at Fear.

"The robots have to fight evil, we've seen that one before," Fear muttered, as the storyline for this weekend's episode started.

"Let's turn the channel to Sesame Street, that's always fun to watch!" Bliss yelled excitedly, running over to the Idea Bulbs.

"If these Y7 programs had interesting stories, we wouldn't need to watch programs for younger kids!" Anger yelled, pounding the console's intercom with his fist. A loud crackle filled the air, as well as sparks as electrical circuits broke, the microphone still holding onto the console by half of the wires that hadn't gotten smashed. A dead silence filled the air as all five emotions stared down at the now broken intercom. Fear felt her girl tense and stiffen, then sigh and slowly relax. Still staring at the console, Anger muttered two words that summarized their situation. "Uh-oh."

A cold feeling quickly seeped into the room as Joy sat straight up, her back stiffening as she listened to every sound around her except the TV. Fear shoved Anger away, pressing buttons and twisting levers for Joy to look around her living room. The console turned purple at Fear's familiar touch. 'Is it Dad, is he awake? I know he's an early riser, but he usually sleeps in on Saturdays.' The worrying thought echoed around the headquarters as Joy quickly twisted her neck to see everything, her whole body tense with anticipation. Fear looked through Joy's eyes, trying to figure out what got her girl on such high alert. The only sounds above Joy's beating heart and shallow breathing were the TV and her parents still asleep in their bedroom. Joy had always been a jumpy kid, but she also had good hearing which she quickly learned to take advantage of. There was no one but herself in the room she was sitting in and her parents were still asleep in their bedroom. Joy turned toward her living room window, as Fear pressed a button to retrieve a memory of the wind making a loud, low, moaning sound at times. This time, there wasn't even a sound of a breeze. 'It's probably just my imagination,' Joy guessed, shrugging and turning back to the TV screen, inhaling and slowly relaxing her tight muscles as she exhaled.

"Great going Anger, now we'll have to call the mind workers to come fix the intercom," Disgust snarked.

"It was an accident," Anger confessed, coming as close to an apology as he would make.

"Well thanks to your 'accident' we'll now have to get a new intercom. Go back to your Chair of Anger, you've done enough damage for one morning," Fear snapped. Joy jumped slightly, stiffening, again. 'I know that wasn't around me, it's almost like voices inside my head.' All five emotions froze at their host's thought.

"What has gotten my girl so spooked? She's never scared for no obvious reason," Fear asked out loud. 'Now I know I'm hearing voices, they sound almost like mine, but have different personalities or separate personas than myself.'

"Fear," Sadness timidly spoke up, "I think Joy's spooked because she can hear us."


	5. Chapter 5: The Five Voices

Controlled by Fear

Author's Note: This is where things start to get dark, hints start to appear as to just what Joy suffers from and since Emotions must sleep, I figured that they would also need to eat and use the bathroom. This would mean that Fear being who the Emotion is, especially since she is under so much stress, let's just say she has an accident. I hope you enjoy tortured characters, muhahahaha…

Chapter Five-The Five Voices.

The TV show ran forgotten as a purple memory rolled down the pathway to join several others on the shelves.

'Have I finally lost my mind and gone crazy?' Joy wondered in her head. The sound of her voice echoed around Headquarters.

"The first sign of going crazy is hearing voices that aren't there. That's called Schiz, Schizo, what is that medical diagnosis, again? Should I ask Mom, now?" Fear asked after pushing the intercom button.

'I knew it, these aren't me! Well, they are me, just different sides of me.' Never mind, I'll ask Mom when she wakes up.'

"Joy's taking this remarkably well," Disgust pointed out, in surprise.

"Well?!' Joy thinks she's crazy for hearing us," Anger grumbled.

"Well, what do you expect? This is the first time she's heard us and Hosts shouldn't hear their Emotions!" Disgust snapped.

"At least she doesn't know about the intercom," Anger pointed out.

'What intercom?' Joy wondered to the five voices.

Another dead silence filled Joy's head at her own words, this one lasting longer. Fear's already pale lavender face drained of all color as the full implication of what this meant hit her. Fear was the first one to speak, her voice nervously stuttering as she did so. "Joy can hear and respond to us? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is bad, this is really, really bad, this is very bad!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Disgust sneered, crossing his arms across his chest and giving Fear a pointed look.

Joy snorted with laughter at Disgust's words.

'I recognize you, you're Sarcasm!'

"Actually, my name is Disgust," Disgust replied, shoving Joy aside with his hip after Joy pressed a button.

'Oh, that's what your name is, you were always the sarcastic one.'

"I'm Bliss," the yellow emotion spoke up.

'Nice to meet you, Bliss,'

Fear pushed several buttons at once, then ran around the room at hearing this. "SHE KNOWS! She knows, she knows, she knows, she knows, she knows!" Fear chanted.

Joy drew her knees to her chest and shivered at the freezing feeling quickly spreading throughout her body.

"Fear's reacting even worse than the time we found out our imagination was on the movie theater screen while watching Toy Story last year, of course Joy knows, we're her emotions!" Anger pointed out, trying to calm down Fear's obvious panic.

After running around the length of the room, Fear jumped onto Anger and clung to him like a lifeline. "What if she has to take more medicine? She knows about us, we'll be thought of as crazy! What if she's taken to a mental hospital? What if she's tortured there? She's been tortured before! We'll be tortured there and never get to see our parents again!" Fear rambled, climbing all over Anger, whose head was simmering very fast. While doing this, Fear somehow pressed a button on the console and recalled one of the scariest memories Joy had ever experienced, of being held down on all four sides by nurses, in so much pain, she couldn't scream.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU STUPID IDIOT!" Anger roared, his head exploding in flames, which caught Fear's hands on fire. Fear screamed, leaped off of Anger and ran around the room again, her hands now on fire.

'No, please don't do this...Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, I promise I'll be good, just please don't hurt me! I'll do anything you want, just please stop yelling at me!' Two memories in a row filled Joy's screen of vision as Anger realized she was having flashbacks because of him.

Anger looked down at his shoes and shifted from foot to foot. "Sorry Joy," Anger muttered.

"Whoa, I never thought I would live to see the day you would apologize," Disgust gasped, with no hint of sarcasm in his voice whatsoever, for once.

"Well, it happens," Anger muttered.

'Just please calm Fear down,' Joy suggested. Ice started spreading around the room at her words.

A loud hiss filled the air as Fear finally extinguished the fire on her hands underneath the sink's faucet, although turning the handle must have been very painful. She was still hyperventilating, though.

"Sadness, can you calm Fear down?" Happy asked.

"Of course, come on, Fear, let's go to the couch, I got your paper bag," Sadness spoke slowly and calmly as she gently led Fear to the pink couch. Once sat down, Sadness gave Fear her paper bag, which she rapidly blew into. A loud pop filled the air as the end of the bag exploded, making everyone jump, including Joy. Fear's fast breathing increased at her paper bag bursting, until it sounded like she was running heavily, even though she sat in one place. When Fear's breathing didn't slow down, tears sprang to her eyes and she curled up into a ball on the couch, making the couch move with her shaking. Sadness put an arm around Fear in the hopes of comforting her. This was all Fear needed before she clung onto Sadness, tears streaming down her cheeks as she buried her face into Sadnesses Indigo sweater.

Joy winced at hearing Fear's loud, convulsive sobs. She felt a longing pain to comfort Fear as much as possible. "Is Fear alright?" Joy asked, Happy, Anger and Disgust turned their heads as one to the couch as Sadness rubbed Fear's back with one hand as she held the nerve with the other.

"No," Happy, Anger and Disgust responded, as Fear's weeping got louder.

'Can I help?' Joy asked, wishing she could be with her emotions to comfort Fear right now.

"You can, there's a way for you to be in your mind without leaving your body, it's called Lucid Dreaming."

"How do you know that, Anger?" Happy asked.

"I read it in the Mind Manuals."

'How do I Lucid Dream?'

"Focus on us while letting your body go slack."

Relaxing her body little by little, Joy concentrated on the Head Quarters, until she felt her body slump as she winced in pain at feeling herself torn apart and her mind floated to a pink room. Happy, Anger and Disgust turned to see many dots of colors settle in one place and form until Joy materialized a second later. Happy, Anger and Disgust crowded around Joy as soon as she materialized, introducing themselves, exclaiming how relieved they were that she was here and asking what she thought of Head Quarters.

"You all are smaller than me, I'm surprised, I'm usually the smallest in my class," Joy commented, after noticing she was the tallest of the group. After spending time interacting with them, she turned to Sadness who was continuing to hold Fear and whispering words of comfort in her ears. Stepping up to the dark pink couch, Joy offered to help comfort Fear. Sadness gave a look of relief and gently handed Fear to Joy, who took Fear in her arms and sat Fear in Joy's lap. Despite the fact that Fear was the tallest emotion, her head only came up to Joy's chest. Joy wrapped her arms around Fear's waist as Fear leaned her whole body against Joy and wrapped her arms around Joy's waist in a tight hold.

"There we go, let it out, let it all out, that's it, good job, I know it hurts, you're doing a great job," Joy whispered against Fear's head where her ear should be, rubbing her hands against Fear's back as she spoke. Eventually, Joy ran out of any comforting words to say, rubbing Fear's back in silence as she wished she could take Fear's pain away from her. After what felt like many hours, Fear's breathing began to even out, although it was still heavy and her sobs finally changed to gasps, then to silence. Joy kept on holding Fear, as Fear continued to tremble in her arms. When Fear finally stopped shaking, she dried her eyes with a Kleenex Joy had fished out of her own pocket and looked up at Joy with wide eyes and a dropped mouth.

"Joy, w, wha, what are you d, d, do, doing here, h, h, how did you g, g, get h, h, here?"

"I Lucid Dreamed so that my body is still in the living room while my mind is with you so I could comfort you."

Fear stiffened at Joy's words, sitting straight up as Joy felt a wet, thick liquid spread across her lap from directly where the nerve sat, as well as something lumpy and both hard and soft. A few seconds later, the stench of urine and feces permeated the room. Joy lowered her head as she felt her face scrunch up in displeasure from the strong stench.

"Ew, Fear did you have to do that?" Disgust exclaimed, pinching his nose with his thumb and first fingers. "

Now look what you did! You can't even hold it until you walk to the bathroom!" Anger yelled. Looking up, Joy noticed that behind Anger's outburst, was worry and concern for his friend.

"I'm sorry," Fear mumbled, hanging her head and squirming to get off of Joy's lap. Joy slightly tightened her grip on Fear so that she wouldn't drop her.

Gently cupping Fear's chin with her hand, Joy lifted Fear's head until Fear's red face was looking at her. "Don't ever apologize for being who you are. I don't blame you for being so scared that you have an accident, I have too. Anger doesn't mean to be angry at you either, he's just worried and concerned for you and doesn't know how else to express it, isn't that right, Anger?" Joy asked, turning to Anger while still holding Fear's chin in her hand. Anger stared at Joy's his eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Slowly, Anger trudged over to the couch and agreed. Fear turned to Anger, her expression matching his.

"You don't hate me?" Fear asked, cautiously.

"Hate you?... I don't hate you."

"Then, why do you punch me, throttle me and call me names?"

"Look kid, it's true that you aggravate me most of the time by running away from your problems instead of facing them but I don't hate you for being yourself." Anger then mumbled something that no one could catch.

"What was that, Anger? We didn't quite hear you."

"I said...I'm...sorry...for punching and throttling and calling you names. I'm just worried that you're embarrassing yourself in front of Joy."

"I can't help it, Anger, it's the way I am, I'm scared, I'm really scared, I'm really, really, really scared," Fear admitted, her voice and body trembling as her eyes widened at her own words.

"What are you scared of?" Joy asked. Fear shook her head quickly at Joy's request, pressing her lips together, as if preventing the words from spilling out of her lips.

"Come on, Fear, what are you afraid of?" Sadness asked, putting a comforting hand on Fear's still trembling shoulder.

"Yeah, c'mon kid, please tell us," Anger encouraged, placing a big hand on Fear's other shoulder, closest shoulder to him.

"We're here for you," Disgust added, moving closer to Fear, although he didn't touch her like the others were doing.

After much hesitation, Fear finally spoke, although her voice still trembled. "I read in the Mind Manuals that breaking the Intercom can cause the Host to hear the voices of her emotions and Lucid Dreaming can cause the Host to be scatterbrained the next day and long for her Mind World, two things we can't control. With Joy's dad already thinking that she's crazy and her already being absent-minded from having A.D.D., I just don't want to cause anymore problems with her being here. It's my job to keep you safe, Joy."

Pulling back from Fear and unwinding Fear's arms from around her own neck, Joy placed them in Fear's own lap, as she carefully thought of what she would say next, to comfort Fear. Fear wrung her hands repeatedly in quick motions as she waited for Joy's answer, which Joy stared at distractedly, until she placed her hands on top Fear's, to prevent her worried movements, trying to nonverbally reassure Fear that everything would be alright. "Fear, I just want to find out if hearing you all means that I'm crazy. Not telling anyone about this means that I'm unsafe and I don't want this. Second of all, I'll just claim that I'm having a bad day, some days are more scatterbrained for me than others, so this is perfectly natural." Fear clutched Joy's hands tightly as she spoke, nodding in agreement. Fear's tight muscles began to relax, until she locked up, her eyes widening with a new worry. Fear felt very stiff in Joy's arms, still sitting on her lap.

"Fear, let's take Mom's advice and worry about things as they come, instead of thinking about all of the possible ways something can go wrong, okay?"

After staring at Joy skeptically for a few more seconds, Fear's muscles finally relaxed and she leaned against Joy. Joy continued to hold Fear silently, slowly rubbing her hands up and down Fear's back, knowing that Fear needed this to calm down. When Fear's heart rate finally slowed down and lavender color returned to her skin, Joy helped Fear to stand up on the floor. A second later, Fear shivered as everyone heard a steady drip of liquid spreading into a yellow puddle and a soft plop of brown mess oozing down Fear's legs, all over the floor. Fear wrapped her arms around her chest and held her elbows in a tight grip as she hung her head.

"Fear, there's nothing to be ashamed of, like I said before, this happens to everyone sometimes."

Fear shook her head, her grips on her arms tightening until her knuckles cracked as she stood immobile, refusing to move, as Joy tried to gently lead her to the bathrooms. "What if they judge me or ridicule me?" Fear's eyes quickly flicked up to Happy, Anger and Disgust, then lowered back down to the floor.

Joy winced as she briefly remembered her past so-called friends making fun of her for having accidents at her first slumber party a couple of years ago. Apparently, since Fear was right there with Joy when that happened, she worried that Happy, Anger and Disgust would treat her the same way. Leaning down so that she could look at the nerve properly, Joy peered into Fear's face so that their eyes met.

"Fear, no one is going to make fun of you, Sadness and I are just going to help you change into drier clothes and wash your dirty ones…How about after that we make you a cup of something you want to drink and sit down on the couch, would you like that?" Joy asked in as gentle a tone she could possibly manage, taking all of the emotions by surprise. It was the one she usually reserved for encouraging scared animals to come out and meet her and for comforting her toys when she was playing by herself.

"Tea, I'd like some hot tea, can I get wrapped in a warm blanket like Mom does when we are cold from playing in the snow?"

"Of course," Joy smiled, slowly guiding Fear along to the women's bathroom. "How about we get you some special tea to calm your nerves, what is it called again?"

"Chamomile, it helps settle my nerves."

"Chamomile, that's right, that's what it's called!" Joy exclaimed happily at recalling the name of the tea she was thinking about. Fear jumped at Joy's sudden yell. Joy apologized for startling her, then continued to talk in the same soothing voice she had been using, earlier. "Do you like honey and sugar in your tea? I like honey and sugar in mine, it takes the bitter taste away."

"I do, too," Fear and Joy exchanged smiles at her words.

"Sadness, can you please get Fear an extra change of clothes?" Joy asked as she and Fear finally made it to the bathroom stall.

"Sure Joy," Sadness agreed amicably, walking to a set of rooms up the stairs behind the living room.

"Do you want me to come in with you or wait out here?" Joy asked, not wanting to embarrass the nerve any further than she already had been but still wanting to be available for some assistance.

"Come in here please, what if I have another accident?"

The moment Joy stepped into the small stall with Fear and locked the door behind her, she regretted it. The walls around Joy started to close in around her and her breathing quickened as a cold feeling quickly started to form in her chest.

"Fear, the walls are moving," Joy admitted, noticing her voice was higher pitched than normal.

"They are, we have to get out, there's got to be a way of escape," Fear exclaimed, beginning to claw at the walls. Joy froze at seeing Fear do this, guessing that she shared Joy's own fear of tight, small spaces. Joy winced at the sound of Fear's nails digging into the thick walls and a trail of blood left in their wake.

"Fear, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself!" Joy gasped, grabbing some toilet paper and pressing them to the tips of Fear's fingers to stop them from bleeding.

"I can't help it, Joy, I'm so scared!" Fear yelled. "Can anybody hear us? Please help us!" Fear screamed, huddling onto the toilet and sinking into the bowl of water.

Joy winced at Fear trembling as she refused to lift herself out of the toilet. Joy felt the freezing feeling from her chest spread throughout the inside of her body at seeing her new friend's panic. Joy pushed this aside to deal with later, right now she had to focus on calming Fear down.

"Sadness will come back in a few minutes, let's just wait until she does."

"What if she doesn't, what if she leaves us here, forever?"

"She said she'd be back, with a new change of clothes. Let's get you out of the toilet until then, okay?"

"I can't, I'm too scared," Joy noticed that Fear's trembling worsened and her breathing quickened as she said this. "I feel lightheaded, am I dying?"

Joy felt a new wave of freezing cold liquid spread inside her as she realized how terrified Fear was. Recalling what Mom taught her to calm her down, Joy took Fear's cold, clammy, sweaty hands into her own, sat on her knees and stared into Fear's wide, dilated eyes. "Fear, I want you to breathe with me, in through the nose, out through the mouth," Joy instructed, demonstrating the calming technique as she talked to Fear.

"I can't!" Fear wailed, her breathing quickening as she spoke.

"Yes you can, just imitate me, in and out, in and out," Joy encouraged, as Fear began to breathe at the same pace and rhythm as Joy was doing. "That's it, there we go, in hail...ex hail, in hail, ex hail."

Although Fear's breathing remained heavy and shallow, it wasn't quickening and she wasn't complaining of lightheadedness anymore. When Fear's breathing was at a more normal level, Joy offered to help her out of the toilet, which Fear gladly accepted. Once Fear stood up, she tore her now dripping wet skirt and underwear off and sat back down on the toilet just in time as her bowels emptied for the second time that day. Joy noticed Fear was still trembling as she stared down at her own lap. Joy took Fear's quivering hands into her own and started to rub the back of her hands with her own thumbs. Fear's stiff muscles slowly began to relax at Joy's comforting touch. Hoping to lighten the mood, Joy commented, "Well, I see that we have two things in common, we both like honey and sugar in our tea and we both fear small, tight spaces."

"Yeah..." Fear trailed off.

Realizing this, as well as still feeling the rush of adrenalin from being scared, both burst into laughter.

"I heard yelling, is everything alright in here?" Sadness asked, passing the clothes underneath the stall door and making both girls jump at her sudden appearance.

"Oh yes," Joy said, handing the clothes to Fear, "everything's just fine."


	6. Chapter 6: Sneezitis

Controlled by Fear

Chapter Six-Sneezitis

Author's Note: Fear's torture only continues, she's definitely having a stressful time of it, as you will soon see.

Once Fear changed into her new clothes and insisted on helping Joy and Sadness clean up the mess in the bathroom and wash the soiled clothes, Joy made sure that Fear was wrapped in a warm blanket and sitting on the couch, while Sadness made the tea. Bliss, Anger and Disgust cleaned up the mess in the living room while they had waited for Fear, Joy and Sadness, of which they got all three girls heartfelt thanks. Joy kept on glancing at Fear worriedly, as Fear huddled in her blanket, silently praying that she wouldn't have another panic attack or accident.

"Don't worry, Joy, I'm fine," Fear encouraged, noticing Joy looking at her. Sadness brought the tea, which Fear reached with still trembling fingers, making the cup rattle on its saucer as she took it.

"Thahh, yahh, hitschew!" Fear sneezed, making the cup spill the tea all over herself. "I'm sorry, Sadness, I'll, ahh, ahhchoo!" Fear gasped, pulling out a Kleenex from her pants pocket and blowing her nose loudly and wetly into it.

"Do Emotions get sick?" Joy asked, worriedly, staring at Fear sniffling.

"Sometimes, especially if they are constantly stressed," Bliss said, pointedly. "You need to cut loose sometimes, Fear, have a little fun!"

"Only when Joy's safe, Hahh, ahh, ahh, ahhchoo, hatchoo, hetchoo, hitschew!" Fear gasped, sneezing repeatedly, then trying to find a dry place to blow her nose. Everyone shared a laugh at Fear's repeated sneezes as Fear finally found a dry place to blow her nose into her Kleenex.

"I'm sorry I cause you so much stress to get you sick, Fear," Joy apologized, squirming on the couch next to the nerve as an acid feeling formed in her stomach. "It's all my fault!"

"How is the stress I suffer from your fault?" Fear asked as she held the Kleenex to her dripping nose and snorted loudly. Disgust scooted far away from her at seeing this. "Thanks, Sadness," Fear added, as Sadness came back from the kitchen with paper towels and started mopping up the spilled tea, while Fear helped, by pressing the paper towels onto the stains.

"If I didn't struggle with math, if I could remember everything instead of forgetting three directions that people give me, if I could concentrate instead of my mind wandering, then I wouldn't cause you so much stress!" Joy felt her throat close and a watery lump form and rise up it. Her eyes filled with tears and burned as she turned away to control herself.

"You're scared of your dad," Fear stated. "I wish I was better at this comfort thing, that's more of Sadness's domain." She shakily puts her arm around Joy.

"You want to do well in math and remember every instruction you're given but it's hard with your A.D.D. and Dyscalculia preventing you from doing so," Sadness said, handing Fear another cup of tea and sitting on Joy's other side. Joy nodded in reply, not able to speak at the moment. "You wish you can do everything effortlessly like normal people can. It's sad that you can't."

Joy couldn't help but let out a loud whimper, as much as she tried to stifle the lump that was growing larger and rolling toward her mouth, at Sadness's words. Joy clapped her hand around her mouth, to prevent her scream of pain. She remembered only too well why she had developed a fear of taking showers over the past two years.

Fear shuddered and placed her shaking saucer on the table, then turned to Joy. "Hey, we aren't going to punish you for crying, you need to express your emotions, even the scary ones that make you feel bad and you can do that safely, here," Fear encouraged, gently rubbing Joy's shoulder. Joy flinched, expecting sharp pain underneath Fear's fingertips but instead, her feather light touch provided comfort. It wasn't enough to break down, though.

"I'm scared to," Joy gasped.

"You have every right to be angry at our dad, the way he treats us is unfair," Anger added, taking Joy's long fingers in his own large hands.

Joy bent over and burst into tears as the pain in her heart exploded like a bomb detonating. Joy shuddered at the convulsion that went through her body, as a mixture of fear, sadness and anger fought for domination inside of her. Fear opened her blanket to let Joy lean against her, which she gladly did. Wrapping the warm blanket around Joy, Fear gently rocked Joy like Mom would do.

"I'm here, I'm right here, just cry as much as you need to," Fear encouraged as Joy clutched Fear and screamed again from the pain. Fear looked up and winced at the hurt in Sadness's eyes at Joy not coming to her for comfort, instead. Taking Sadness's hand, Fear guided it onto Joy's back and slightly moved it with Joy's jerky spasms. Sadness smiled gratefully at the unspoken message and scooted closer, rubbing her hand along Joy's back, to the rhythm of Joy's weeping. Joy didn't know how long she cried in Fear's arms, time seemed to slow down as she did so. Sadness gently turned Joy's head and started to wipe the remaining tears from her eyes, once Joy's screams turned to sniffles. Fear stiffened on Joy's other side, letting out several gasps as she dug in her pants pocket for more Kleenex, until she buried her face in it, just as she let out several explosive sneezes. The Kleenex tore and Fear's spittle went all over the table. When Fear finally lifted her head up, Joy gasped at seeing her face. Fear's natural pale lavender skin was a beige, almost white color, her eyes had a glassy, exhausted look to them, her nose was red from all of the blowing she had to do and she was trembling all over.

"Let's get you into bed, I'll look up your symptoms and get the medicine. Joy, will you please help Fear to her room down the hall?" Sadness asked, going to a bookshelf and taking out a large, black book with a red plus symbol and white lettering on the cover of it.

Fear sniffled miserably as Joy wrapped a supportive arm around her and led her down a hallway to a lavender door. Once Joy opened the door, she noticed the room was very neat and tidy, with a closet near the doorway, a desk and chair against the wall and a bed with a nightstand next to it. A lamp with yellow and blue circle patterns and a red star in the middle of it sat on the nightstand. On the bed was a dark brown teddy bear with black button eyes and nose. Joy found Fear's lavender and white striped pajamas folded underneath the pillow and held them out to Fear, who took them, despite her shivering. Just as Joy turned to walk toward the bedroom door, Fear had another sneezing fit that made her bend over double while sitting on her bed. Feeling pity for the sick nerve, Joy helped Fear peel off her clothes and get into her pajamas. She even got Fear a handkerchief out of her dresser drawer, as Kleenex obviously wouldn't do it, even though both knew the white cloths weren't very sanitary. Fear thanked Joy as she helped the nerve under her sheets and laid back onto her pillow.

"I just looked up your symptoms of explosive, repeated sneezes, congested airways and runny nose, you have Sneezitis," Sadness announced as she walked into the room and sat on the edge of Fear's bed, carrying a bottle and spoon with her.

"What's that?" Fear asked, suspiciously, as if the clear bottle with green liquid Sadness held in her hand was some deadly poison.

"It's your medicine," Sadness explained, pouring some into a spoon.

Fear pressed her back against the headboard at this answer, her eyes growing wide and her body going rigid at seeing what Sadness was doing.

"It's just medicine, I have to take some all of the time," Joy pointed out, as Fear let out a loud whimper at the spoon coming toward her face.

"I know you don't want to take this bitter tasting medicine," Sadness sympathized, "but don't you want to get better?"

As if her body was answering Fear's own question, Fear's nose twitched, she stiffened some more as her head jerked back. Fear covered her mouth with her handkerchief to prevent her germs from getting all over everything. "Nahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh!" Fear exclaimed, her eyes filled with terror as she looked around wildly for somewhere to turn. "Ahhchoo!" Fear exclaimed, the saliva from her sneeze completely missing her handkerchief and getting all over her bedspread. Fear opened her eyes and peered around her room to see both Joy and Sadness covered in her saliva. Joy made a face at getting completely covered and shook her hands slightly, trying to fling the slimy goop off of her fingers, then wringing her hair out over the wastebasket. Fear's eyes had grown wide and her face drained of all color at seeing her friends covered in her own mucus. Once Joy and Sadness looked toward Fear, Fear pressed herself even farther into the headboard, as if by doing so, she could go through it and curled up in a violently shivering ball, whimpering as she trembled, making the bed shake underneath Joy and Sadness. Somehow, she still was able to form coherent sentences. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, please don't be mad at me, please don't hurt me, I don't want to be sick, anymore!" Fear exclaimed.

A wave of paralyzing helplessness washed over Joy's insides at seeing Fear so stricken by what she had done. What could Joy possibly say or do to calm Fear down? Not being able to stand seeing Fear shake in terror, Joy slowly enveloped Fear with her arms, as Fear still continued to quiver. Fear buried her face in Joy's shoulder, bursting into tears at feeling so horrible on top of her daily stress. Sadness also wrapped her arms around Fear, gently rubbing small circles into Fear's back.

"No one is mad at you, you can't help it that you're sick, nobody's going to hurt you. Sadness and I aren't going to leave you, either. We're here, we're right here," Joy whispered to the side of Fear's head, where her ear should be, hoping she was saying the right things. Fear's body stiffened at both Joy and Sadness's hug, as if worried that if she relaxed, they would suddenly turn on her and violently cause her pain. Joy recognized this similarity immediately, having developed the same fear from past experiences, herself. Joy repeated that she would not hurt Fear for being scared, continuing to gently rub Fear's back.

Fear's muscles began to relax, slightly, even though she was still shaking from crying so hard. Finally, pulling away, Fear gulped several times, her face turning a sickly green color. Worry filled Sadness's eyes at seeing her colleague's face look so strange. Knowing what this meant from personal experience, Joy quickly grabbed the waste paper basket and held it out to Fear. "I feel sick," Fear groaned, stuffing her face into the waste paper basket just in time. Fear's whole body stiffened, then jerked forward, as both Joy and Sadness heard a horribly loud retching sound coming from Fear, herself.

"Is this a symptom of Sneezitis, too?" Joy asked Sadness as Fear continued to bend over the waste paper basket.

"No, Fear's just worked herself up into a panic on top of being sick."

"Is it normal for Fear to do so?"

"Fear's worked herself up into a panic but it's rarely this bad, though."

Finally, Fear raised her head and leaned back onto the pillow, moaning pitifully. Sadness picked up the spoon of medicine and held it out to Fear, who took it, sloshing the medicine onto her bedspread from her hand trembling so much. Sadness held Fear's hand steady, as Fear swallowed the green colored liquid and grimmest from the taste.

"I brought Fear her tea," Bliss called from the doorway, holding out the white cup and saucer but remaining in the hallway.

Sadness thanked Bliss and took the saucer, handing the tea cup to Fear, who held it with trembling fingers and sipped at the warm liquid. Once Fear drank her tea, she placed it on the saucer sitting on her bedside table and lay down on her mattress with a contented sigh. Bidding Fear a peaceful sleep, Joy and Sadness quietly left the room.


	7. Chapter 7: Anger's Doubt

Controlled by Fear: Chapter Seven-Anger's Doubt.

Author's Note: So, thank you to all five of you who reviewed, sometimes more than once! I greatly appreciate all of your feedback! I won't be able to update constantly, as Real Life can get busy, however, I will add chapters as I go along, when I can. Here's the next chapter.

"I should get back, I can only daydream for so long before people start to notice and worry about me," Joy pointed out as she followed Sadness and Bliss back to the living room. Joy looked around the living room, again. The walls behind the silver shelves of memories were painted pink, with the dark pink couch and walnut coffee table in front of it. In front of it all was a white console with different colored buttons and levers behind a very large screen that stretched from one end of the wall to the other. Joy wondered what the console and screen were used for but turned to say goodbye to her emotions.

"We'll always be with you, no matter what happens," Sadness encouraged, taking Joy's hand and squeezing it, supportively.

"Thank you, all of you. I hope Fear gets better, soon."

"Don't worry about Fear, we'll take good care of him!" Bliss enthused.

"Yeah, Fear will be back to panicking about your safety again before you know it," Anger grinned, looking slightly disturbing with that particular look on his face.

Joy hesitated in saying goodbye to her emotions, remembering that the last person she had said goodbye to was her little brother, who died from a stomach virus in the hospital a few days later. Ever since then, she never used the word goodbye. As Joy came up with a word to use in place of goodbye, she felt pain overwhelm her as her body tore several times into millions of tiny, colorful pieces that soared back to her body. Seconds later, Joy felt her spirit reentered her body and blinked a few times, trying to get used to the sudden change. Noticing she had missed not only Beast Wars but also one of her favorite TV shows, Joy felt her positive energy from meeting her emotions turn into a sinking feeling. 'What's the point of meeting my emotions if I miss two of my favorite programs? I can't even have simple pleasures to sustain me during the week and give me something to look forward to. I will always be tortured, until I get old enough to live on my own and who knows how long that will take,' Joy thought, as her spirits drowned in deep, black water. Meanwhile, inside her Headquarters, Bliss pushed a few buttons, then quickly removed her hands from the console as a black liquid sputtered up from one side and spread to the others. The rest of the emotions moved aside to let Sadness control the console. Usually, if Sadness could get Joy to feel her, the inky blackness would recede.

A lavender blur raced out of the hallway and slammed into the console. "No, no, no, no, no! That's depression! If it spreads, Joy won't be able to feel any of us!" Fear screamed, frantically pushing buttons and twisting levers.

"Fear, I know that, I'm trying to get Joy to feel me to keep it back," Sadness protested, struggling to continue controlling the console, despite Fear attempting to gain the upper hand.

"Guys, quit fighting!" Bliss yelled, trying to get in the middle of them.

"Fear, go to bed, you're sick, we can handle this," Anger ordered, grabbing Fear by the shirt collar to drag her off of the console and back to bed. "I can't, Joy needs me!" Fear howled, keeping a pale lavender knuckled grip on the lever as Anger adjusted his grip so that he was tugging her waist, trying to make her let go of the console. Accidentally pressing a button with her elbow, Bliss was the first to notice the inky blackness finally beginning to recede. All of the Emotions stopped to watch as the whole console began to glow yellow. 'I can't watch the two episodes I want to see now but I can when the TV shows air reruns and I can watch the rest of the Saturday Morning Cartoons and at least I can get a break tomorrow afternoon, after church,' Joy assured herself. 'And, I've been able to hold on for this long, I can hold on until I come of age.'

"That's my girl," Fear and Bliss encouraged, both heaving a sigh of relief at everything going back to normal. Every now and then, the inky darkness would take over, although no one knew why. It would take everything the Emotions had to keep it back, exhausting them each time. Fear slumped onto the console, slowly relaxing her grip on the lever, until she crashed onto the floor.

"C'mon Fear, you need to go to bed, Joy will just be watching cartoons for the next few hours, then doing housework and going grocery shopping with Mom, like she does every Saturday morning," Anger spoke as he half picked up, half dragged Fear back to her room.

"But Joy needs me," Fear whined, weakly struggling in Anger's grip.

"Joy can survive without you for the next two days," Anger insisted, throwing Fear onto her bed and jerking back the sheets for Fear to crawl under.

Shivering at Anger's violent movements, Fear crawled between the sheets and tugged them up to her chin, still staring at Anger with wide eyes. Anger sat on the edge of Fear's bed and placed a hand on her shoulder. Fear flinched, stiffening her muscles at Anger's touch. Hurt entered Anger's brown eyes for a moment, only to be replaced by understanding. Both knew where that involuntary reaction came from to begin with.

"Joy will be fine and so will you. Get some sleep, we'll all need a rest after this morning. Bliss's manning the controls with the assistance of Sadness and Disgust," Anger began, soothingly, when Fear sat bolt, upright, clutching her sheets in a pale lavender knuckled grip, shivering violently at Anger's implications.

"I can only man the controls, Joy knows me, she's my girl."

Anger could feel his head begin to simmer at these words. Didn't Fear realize that if she didn't rest, then she'd make herself sicker? Fear could do nothing to help Joy if she was sick. She wouldn't be able to operate the controls as well as if she was well. "Fear, Joy has nothing to be afraid of, she'll be fine. You trust us, don't you?" Anger asked in an unnaturally gentle tone for his gruff voice.

Anger had hoped his words would assure Fear enough to allow her to sleep. Instead, Fear's eyes lit like burning coals and her face contorted into a sneer. "Of course I trust you, why wouldn't I? Joy needs me, though, I'm the only one who helps her!" Fear's eyes watered a second before she burst into tears. Anger drew back slightly in shock at Fear's reaction to his words. Why wouldn't Fear trust Bliss, Sadness and Disgust to control Joy? True, Fear kept Anger as far away from the console as possible, only letting him drive when it was absolutely necessary and even then, reluctantly.

"Anger, what did you say to Fear?" Bliss asked, making Anger jump and whirl around in surprise, to find Bliss standing in the doorway.

"I didn't say anything to Fear, she just burst into tears on me."

"Fear doesn't cry for no reason and you know how she's almost as sensitive as Sadness is. You always have to force your way with Fear, just like you force your way with Dad."

"Now wait just a minute, Bliss, I don't force my way with Dad, you know as well as I how unfairly he treats us."

"Dad wouldn't treat us unfairly if you wouldn't constantly blow up at him."

"But I-" Anger started, desperately trying to explain his unbridled passion for keeping things fair for Joy, when things were already unfair in her life as it was.

"No 'buts' go to your Chair of Anger and think about what you did," Bliss demanded, pointing to the hallway.

Anger's hands curled into fists and he pressed his nails so deep into his palms that he could both feel and see trickles of blood drip onto the floor. Anger could feel the simmering on his head grow stronger at Bliss's words. Forcing himself to turn around, even though he would have liked nothing better than to punch both Fear and Bliss for getting him into trouble, Anger stomped to the red chair in the corner of the room, next to the kitchen. Sitting heavily into it, Anger buried his face into his hands. He didn't do anything wrong, he never did, so why was he always blamed for everything and pushed away from the console? He always got sent to the Chair of Anger when he lost his control about any little thing, it was almost like both Bliss and Fear purposefully prevented him from driving. 


	8. Chapter 8 : The Start of Torture

Controlled by Fear

Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I haven't included this first, before my next chapter. This is extremely hard for me to write, though. Hopefully showing you what happens on both the outside and the inside will help explain what's going on, Orangebird124. In case if any of you are confused about what's going on, I'm basically describing what happens when a parent uses emotional abuse to attempt to motivate the child with A.D.D. and Dyscalculia to get so angry at struggling with math that the anger turns into determination, which means doing the math problems, correctly. This backfires, spectacularly.

Chapter Eight

The Start of Torture

September 5, 1995

"Do you know what your problem is?" Dad asked as he sat across from Joy at the white and pine table. Inside Headquarters, Delight and Fear were sharing the consul, while the others watched. "You're stupid."

A large black creature soared through the view screen, striking both Delight and Fear at the same time. Residue of it splashed onto Sadness, Anger and Disgust, making them also wince in pain. Fear stumbled back, barely hanging onto the consul, gritting her teeth and whimpering from the pain.

"What did you just say?" Joy gasped in shock, not believing what she was hearing from her dad.

"I said you're stupid."

Delight was forced to let go of the consul as it hit her, crashing onto the floor and screaming in pain. Sadness stumbled forward despite the pain and took over for a minute. Anger clenched his fists and growled, his hair sparking with fire. First the teacher called Joy stupid and now Dad? It was one thing for the teacher to call Joy stupid. Sure she was supposed to be warm and encouraging, however, she was a stranger. Dad was supposed to be trusted and protective, not the enemy. This wasn't fair!

"Move!" Anger snapped, shoving Fear out of the way and slamming buttons on the consul.

"I'm not stupid!" Joy shouted.

"Then don't act like it."

Delight and Fear pushed themselves in front of Anger, once he let go of the consul. They in turn started pressing buttons and twisting levers, synchronizing their movements without knowing it.

"How?" Joy asked curiously.

"By doing your math," Dad replied, getting up from the table and heading towards the kitchen.

Anger took over again, in fury. "I'm not stupid," he growled into the microphone, pressing the throttle up.

Joy clenched the pencil in her right hand at the thought. She hated being called stupid when she knew she wasn't. The problem was, forgetting how to do math as soon as she was taught and the information leaving her brain like holding onto running water, sometimes in seconds and sometimes by the next day, always uncontrollable and impossible to hold on to.

Anger let Sadness take over, turning to his colleagues with a gasp. All of them were in some amount of pain, from that creature in them. Delight had the worst of it, screaming and writhing on the couch as both Disgust and Fear held her down for her own safety and theirs. Anger sprang into action, remembering that there was a first aid kit in Headquarters for these instances. Finally locating it on a shelf in the bathroom, Anger grabbed it and raced to the couch.

"I'm going to pull these things out of you, this may hurt," Anger warned, tearing off Delight's dress, snapping on the gloves and grabbing the large tweezers.

Delight gasped despite the pain and held onto Disgust as Anger plunged the tweezers into Delight's wounds. Delight's scream reverberated around Headquarters, as Anger viciously yanked the thing up, blood gushed when before it just sputtered. Throwing the writhing black mass onto the floor, Anger stomped on it several times, as it writhed and squealed from getting crushed by Anger's shoes. Turning back to Delight, Anger plunged the tweezers back into the wound, pushing deeper, making Delight scream louder. Finally locating the creature, Anger grabbed it between the tweezers and pulled up.

Both Disgust and Fear resisted the urge to let go of Delight to cover their own ears, fighting to hold her down as she squirmed more violently in their grasp. Finally yanking it above the wound, Disgust and Fear got a closer look at the thing that had tormented Delight and was burrowing into themselves, as Anger held still. It wasn't a creature, it was the word stupid, the very word that Dad had said to Joy seconds later. That was what was inside them all? Fear recoiled in shock and grabbed her paper bag to blow into, feeling very lightheaded all of a sudden. Disgust yanked the paper bag away from Fear despite her protest and vomited into it. Anger deposited the second black mass the same way he did with the first. With a click, the memory of the math facts that Joy had needed earlier rolled up. Delight sat up straight and scrambled off the couch, grabbing the memory of the math facts and placing it into the projector slot, before taking Sadness's place at the consul, muttering her relief at finally remembering that information, for now. Sadness gasped loudly at seeing Delight's still bleeding chest wounds and hurriedly removed her sweater, pressing the white fabric onto them. Ignoring the large, red stain forming onto the sweater, Sadness turned to Anger, who was trying and failing to convince Disgust and Fear to alternatively lay on the couch, next. Commanding Delight to hold the sweater to her chest, Sadness trudged back to the couch.

"You didn't clean the wounds?" Sadness asked, as Anger handed Disgust a pair of smaller tweezers to remove the black substance, himself.

"I was trying to get the black stuff out as fast as possible," Anger responded, defensively.

"I'm not blaming you, Anger, I understand…We need to get towels, a new pair of large tweezers and a pan of clean water."

Anger rushed to both the kitchen and the bathroom, gathering the items and hurrying back. He cringed at seeing Disgust and Sadness holding Fear down on the couch. Despite his tough appearance, Anger was a very caring emotion, he just hid it well underneath a bravado. Pulling those words out of Fear wouldn't be fair to her, however, neither would leaving them in her to fester. Personally Anger would rather they pull those things out of Fear than the alternative. Taking a deep breath and mentally steeling himself for purposefully hurting his leader, Anger brought the things in his arms to Sadness, who let go of Fear to prepare herself.

"No, please don't," Fear begged at hearing Sadness snap on the surgical gloves and grab the large tweezers. Anger shuddered as he held down Fear's legs. He didn't blame Fear a bit for being afraid in this instance. Usually he got aggravated by the fearful emotion's panicking but this time was more understandable than most.

"Remember how Mom and Dad would sometimes have to hold us down to put the feeding tube down Joy's nose when she was four?" Sadness asked.

"Yes, it hurt so much we screamed."

"Well, we're going to have to do something like that for you. You're going to have to be very brave like you were last time. Ready Disgust and Anger?"

"Ready Sadness," both emotions replied.

"On the count of three. One, two, three!"

Anger couldn't look, instead he squeezed his eyes shut as he held down Fear's legs, which automatically jerked in spasms. The screams that Fear let out at Sadness pulling out that first word made Anger have nightmares about the event for weeks. It made them all have nightmares, if they were honest with each other. Nobody had ever heard Fear in so much pain before. It wouldn't be the last time they would have to perform such procedures on each other, either. This was just the start of torture.


	9. Chapter 9: Memories of Emotional Pain

Controlled By Fear

Chapter Nine

Memories of Emotional Pain

As the red brick sat in his Chair of Anger to think, a terrifying memory played inside his mind, like a scene from a horrific movie. Anger only wished what had happened two years earlier was made up. It would make life much easier if those events were all just awful daydreams. He shuddered as he relived one of the worst days of his life. He wished his leader wasn't such an overprotective, selfish, noble fool, then none of this would have happened in the first place.

September 5, 1995

One Year Later

"Stay back!" Fear commanded authoritarily, putting her hand behind her back in a stop motion. The air in front of the four other emotions glistened for a moment. A moment later, light shimmered on the surface of something transparent between them. All four emotions hurried forward to assist Fear, only to hit something solid and bounce off, falling painfully onto the floor.

"Huh, what's this?" Anger gasped in shock, as he put a hand out in front of him. It felt as if a solid, invisible wall was blocking his pathway. His blood boiled and a roaring sound filled his ears, as he realized that Fear had somehow barricaded the other emotions away from her. His chest flamed at the same time his hair caught fire, as he started to bang his fists furiously against the see-through wall. "WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?! _WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?_ _**LET US OUT OF HERE, FEAR!**_ " Anger screamed. Usually Fear would jump and do what he asked, then scramble out of his way. For the first time in three years Anger had come to know Fear, she didn't act like her cowardly, weak self and she didn't explode at Anger, either. Instead, she was being firm, assertive, brave. It was disturbing.

"I'm doing this for everyone's safety," Fear answered calmly, smiling grimly at the group, then turning back toward the consol. She pushed several buttons at the same time and pulled back on many levers. Anger stared at Fear's back, feeling the sensation of sunshine and fog in his brain and chest, as he continued to watch his colleague.

Outside, Joy stiffened from feeling the effects of her lead emotion. Fear put her hands up in front of her in the same stopping motion she made beforehand. A shimmering, clear substance shot from the particles of Fear's skin, covering the view screen. Anger clenched his fists as he saw the words shooting towards Fear. The spineless fool was going to get hurt and prevented her colleagues from helping her. Anger was about to yell again, when he noticed the black letters bounce off the glass surface. A sunshine sensation filled his chest, melting the fog. Anger grinned as he saw what Fear's idea was. Somehow, Fear used her freezing energy to create a word proof wall. This would prevent all of them from getting wounded. Anger never thought he would admit it but his leader was a genius for figuring out a way to protect their host.

A shattering sound made Anger wince, as the glass cracked in several different directions. An icy sensation filled his insides at the sight before him. The word stupid in black, bold letters came shooting toward Fear like a bullet. The moment it hit Fear, it wriggled through her skin, making her let out an excruciating, high pitched, heart wrenching scream. Anger's heart stopped as he pressed his hands against the glass between himself and his leader, the icy sensation returning and growing. Fear shook her head quickly, ignoring the blood pouring from her chest. Thrusting her hands out in front of her, she shot more shimmering substance at the cracked glass, obviously trying to repair it. Just as the glass started to smooth from the inside out, more words shot into Fear, all at once. Fear screamed even louder, making Anger throw himself against the glass separating himself from his leader. It just wasn't fair that Fear was literally killing herself through her protective self-sacrifice. Anger could feel pain radiating from his fists to his arms but ignored the hurt as he continued to throw himself against the solid barrier.

The next thing Anger knew, the glass exploded, shards hitting Fear in all directions, making her scream like never before. Fear clutched her chest, bending over. Blood pooled onto the floor in front of the console, making Anger wince and notice a familiar burning sensation in his chest at how much pain she was in. Fear wasn't supposed to be Joy's leader, Bliss was. Their host was supposed to have a happy childhood, just like everyone expected hosts to cherish. Fear shouldn't need to protect her girl from her own father. Home should be Joy's safe place, not one of living nightmares, just like school should be a place of learning, not one of further torture. It just wasn't fair!

Finally thrusting a bloodied hand behind her, the transparent wall vanished, making Anger fall painfully to the floor, from leaning up against it. Looking up, Anger saw Fear whimper and cry out, before keeling over. Anger felt a sharp pain all over his back as his colleagues trampled him to get to Fear, who looked like she was going to pass out at any second. Bliss and Sadness were the first to grab Fear by the arms and legs, carrying her to the couch as Disgust wrung his hands nearby. After digging his fingernails into his fists to control his own rising temper, Anger struggled up off the floor and hurried toward his fallen leader, who was writhing on the couch.

Glass was sticking out of Fear's chest but that wasn't the worst of her wounds. Anger could see underneath Fear's bloodied hounds tooth vest and polo shirt some kind of deeply infected wound, underneath. Anger sprang into action, adrenaline forcing his body to move towards his fallen leader. "Sadness, bring me the medicine kit, Bliss, help me hold Fear down, this is going to be painful for her," Anger commanded, grasping the still writhing nerve by the arms, as Bliss did the same to her feet. Bringing a trashcan over and snapping on plastic gloves, Disgust started carefully pulling out the shards of glass one by one from Fear's chest, eliciting a scream each time. Sadness rushed to the couch and opened the first aid kit, withdrawing from it a long pair of silver scissors. Fear's eyes widened at seeing the sharp instrument near her chest and thrashed more violently. Anger tightened his grip on Fear's arms, not caring if he gave the nervous nerve bruises or not.

Positioning the scissors, Sadness slowly and carefully cut the clothes in half and pushed them back to expose Fear's skin. Anger wished she hadn't at the sight before him. Anger felt bile rise up in his throat as Sadness, Bliss and Disgust gasped as the deep, large cuts in Fear's chest bubbled and squirted up blood, like it was spewing red vomit everywhere. Reaching for a white towel, Sadness pressed it onto Fear's chest. Finally, after waiting for what felt like forever, the blood at last subsided. Lifting the blood soaked towel and throwing it on top of the glass in the trashcan, Sadness peered into Fear's still opened wounds. Just beyond the edges of the cuts were black tendrils of a thick, wavering substance. Looking closer, Anger noticed that the substance wasn't an inky smoke but the word stupid. Anger felt the contents of his stomach rise up his throat and let go of Fear just in time to bend over the trashcan, before retching. Not bothering to wipe his mouth, Anger resumed holding Fear's arms. Sadness grabbed a pair of large, metal tweezers, calmly explaining what she was about to do, despite Anger hearing the tenderhearted teardrop's voice shake uncontrollably. Taking a deep breath, Sadness plunged the metal tweezers repeatedly down into the wound, dragging up the words stupid, useless and worthless up, ignoring Fear's heart-wrenching screams as blood continued to squirt up, everywhere. Every thick, black substance wrapped itself around the tweezers and continued to writhe, as if trying to burrow back into the wound it was pulled out of. After long, agonizing moments, Sadness, finally let go of the tweezers, which dropped with a splash inside the pan of clean, clear water, staining it a bloody red. Covering her face with her hands, Sadness burst into tears, convulsively sobbing as Disgust wrapped a bandage around Fear's wounds, trying not to look at them. Fear lay quietly, her breath coming in shallow wheezes. Anger let go of Fear as if she could burn him and sprinted from the living room, to his bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind him. He ended up incinerating his bedsheets and several other items in his fury of what had just happened. He had already learned from the year before that life was unfair but did Fear have to pay the price?

This was only the beginning of what Fear called a living nightmare. Anger noticed very quickly that making his host rail against her dad only caused Fear more pain, despite the fact that it made both of them feel good at expressing the injustice they were continuously suffering from. Ever since Anger caused both Joy and Fear to feel twice the amount of pain as normal, Fear created the Chair of Anger and started to continuously ban him to it, anytime he so much as glared at the console when their host was in Dad's presence. This started the yearly torture that would last for months at a time. The biggest question in Anger's mind was how was he supposed to help his host express her unjust treatment, when doing so only made the situation worse, not better for all of them?


	10. Chapter 10 Joy Meets Fear

Author's Note: Thank you so much everyone for not bothering me during the months of December and January, I really appreciate it. I finally got finished with all of my classes and although I'll still be busy, my life will hopefully not be as hectic as it was. I'm very grateful to everyone who has reviewed my chapters, thank you for liking my story enough to let me know what you think of it. This is what truly keeps me going. I hope that you'll let others know how much you like my story. Like I had said before, if I get enough likes on it, I'll publish my story into a book. I know I had promised you the chapter about 'lockdown' however, I'm still trying to locate the chapter I had already written. If I can't find that, I'll have to rewrite half of it, of which I'll be very upset over. At least I have all of this one, which will give some more backstory on Joy's life. It will also show that things were never easy for her, even as a little girl. Some of this may be confusing to you, when comparing it to future events and in truth, I don't understand it completely, either. If anyone has any theories on how two separate but similar things could happen, besides developing for the same reason and one of them causing Joy to hear her emotions sometimes, while the other causes her to hear her emotions all of the time, then please let me know. Without further ado, here's the tenth chapter.

Chapter Ten

Joy Meets Fear

Fear pushed her memory of her host introducing herself so far down that she forgot it even happened. The whole thing was too traumatic to relive, emotions weren't supposed to speak to hosts after all, the whole idea meant, well, Fear didn't want to even think about it. Fear didn't remember first meeting Joy besides recently, however, Joy certainly did. Joy turned towards the mahogany coat tree, remembering how Fear had saved her from certain death, five years ago.

March 21, 1991.

Joy felt a yank tug her back as she ran forward. Turning behind her in frustration, she realized her oxygen cannula had gotten wrapped around the base of the coat tree as she had run passed it. Inside Headquarters, the top of Anger's head exploded in a burst of flames, as he pushed the levers up, furious that Delight's had been ruined by a simple hose getting stuck.

Seeing no alternative, Joy grabbed hold of the oxygen cannula like she frequently did and pulled on it, to free herself. Maybe Joy didn't know her own strength. Perhaps she just didn't notice that the heavy coat tree was already standing at an angle, ready to fall.

Fear certainly did, though. Running toward the console, Fear shoved Anger out of the way, making him fall to the floor. Fear didn't mean to hurt Anger, she was just desperate to save her host. Seeing the heavy coat tree coming towards where Joy stood, Fear screamed into the microphone, pushing buttons and turning levers in her desperation to prevent her host from getting severely hurt and possibly taken to the hospital or dying.

"Watch out!" A female voice screamed in panic, inside Joy's head. Joy screamed to express the freezing feeling in her chest. The coat tree fell to the brown carpeted floor with a loud crash, barely missing her within inches. Joy's heart beat rapidly at her close call. Running footsteps hurried towards Joy.

"Joy, are you alright?" Mom gasped, rushing towards her.

Seeing Mom here and discovering that Joy was safe after that close call, nearly made Fear fai9nt at that moment. She gripped the consul as Joy responded positively. Fear slowly thrust throttles up and twisted levers as Joy realized how close she came to dying moments before.

Joy stretched her arms to Mom, needing comfort as she burst into tears. Mom enveloped her into a hug as Joy cried. Mom's gently rubbing small circles into Joy's back felt supportive.

"I could have died!" Both Fear and Joy screamed at the same time.

"But you didn't, you're just fine! I know that was really scary."

Joy continued to cry as Mom validated her feeling. Finally, Joy started to calm down, her moans turning to gasps, then sniffles. At last, Joy stepped back, yet still felt the freezing feeling, although it wasn't as overwhelming or as intense as it was a moment ago.

"Mom, what's this cold feeling I feel?"

"It's called fear," Mom replied, giving Joy a strange look as she turned to head to the kitchen.

"Fear," Joy repeated as Fear straightened at the consul from hearing her name, especially at being addressed by her host.

"Who are you?" Joy asked, noticing the cold feeling didn't go away.

Fear looked around Headquarters, to make sure her fellow emotions weren't being addressed. The idea of the host addressing her emotions should be impossible. "Me?" Fear asked.

"Yes, you, who are you?"

"I'm Fear," Fear spoke, trying not to pace in anxiety at talking with her host. The only reason why that would happen was bad.

"Hi Fear, I'm Joy."

"I know who you are," Fear answered nervously. 'This shouldn't happen,' Fear thought, chewing on her fingernails.

"What do you do?"

"I keep you safe."

"Oh, you do a good job at keeping me safe."

"Thanks," Fear replied distractedly, hoping that this conversation would end soon.

"Joy, it's time for your feeding," Dad called from the kitchen.

Fear placed the memory of the last feeding into the slot and let it play, then anxiously gripped the levers on the consul. She really didn't want to go through this torture, if she could prevent it. Maybe by standing still, they wouldn't be seen.

Joy looked up at Dad, noticing a freezing sensation form in her heart as she remembered the last time she had this procedure done, she was in pain. "I don't want to," Joy replied, taking a step back, as if doing this one action would prevent the inevitable. She hoped to prevent it for as long as possible.

"Why not?" Dad asked.

"It will hurt," Saying those words took every amount of effort, as the freezing sensation increased, as if saying those words made the ice grow.

"I know it doesn't feel very good but we need to feed you, unless if you want to be taken to the hospital and have them do it."

Both Joy and Fear shuddered at the very thought. Joy didn't have any memories of living in the hospital. Fear did and she would rather Joy not go there if she could help it.

'I don't have a choice in the matter, do I?' Joy mentally asked Fear.

"I'm afraid not," Fear replied, rigidly.

"You'll be quick?" Joy asked, stepping towards Dad.

"We'll do this as quickly as we can," Dad promised as Joy laid on her back, while he put his hands on her chest. Mom stepped forward with the dreaded white tube in her hand. Eyeing it, Joy noticed the white tube was too big for such a little opening as her small throat.

"Ready?" Mom asked, determinedly.

"Ready," Dad spoke, tightening his hold on Joy as she felt a steady pressure on her chest. "On the count of three. One…two…three!"

Mom leaned down and shoved the white tube up Joy's nose before she could breathe. Fear gripped the consul as Headquarters shook from the pain their host was in. She felt lightheaded and energized at the same time, as her heart beat fast. She didn't know where the other emotions were but she was grateful they weren't trying to take over at the moment. Her girl needed her.

Joy screamed as an all-encompassing pain consumed her, what was left was the dreaded freezing sensation she had felt moments before. 'Fear!' Joy screamed in her mind, now knowing what the name of this feeling was, 'Fear help me!' Joy tried to speak but gagged instead, her throat closing as the white tube touched her gag reflex, making Fear start twisting levers and pushing buttons, quickly.

"I'm trying!" Fear shouted back. Doing so only made Joy kick and try to pry Dad's hands off, to no avail.

"I know this is painful but you'll have to hold still," Dad insisted, tightening his hold around his daughter.

"I can't do anything, just hold on, Joy!" It wouldn't be the only time Fear would say that to her host. This was what Fear and so Joy hated the most, feeling so helpless that there was nothing they could do to stop the pain, no matter how hard they tried. This was why both hated the feedings, in those days. There was nothing they could do to avoid this three times a day, though. Pain erupted as the tube scraped Joy's throat, making her scream and Fear grip the levers so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

At last, the tube lowered into Joy's stomach and filled it with a rush of warm liquid, which was food. Joy sighed with relief that the pain was abating for now. Fear slowly began to loosen her grip on the throttles, her heartbeat sped up, though, she knew the pain wasn't over, yet. Hours or maybe even days later, who knew how long, the dreaded second procedure took place.

"I'm going to have to pull the tube back out now," Mom warned.

Fear tightened her grip on the throttles, bracing herself for the pain she knew would come any minute. This was the worst pain of all. To put the tube in was torturous at the beginning but to take it out was painful all the way, through.

"No, please don't-" Joy began to plead. Before she could continue, the tube started reversing directions, traveling upwards, away from the warm, comfortable safety of her stomach. It scrapped her throat, hurting all the way up. Joy winced as it uncomfortably passed her gag reflex, barely missing her tonsils and came out of her mouth.

As soon as the tube was out, Joy sat up and burst into tears, as Dad held her and rocked her and told her something she and Fear would never forget.

"I know that was uncomfortable but you did it. It's over, we're finished, we won't have to do it anymore, for a very long time.

"It was painful!" both Joy and Fear screamed.

"Yes, I'm sure it can be painful going in," Dad began.

"But it doesn't hurt once it passes your throat, right?"

"It hurts coming out, too!" Anger had joined Fear in Headquarters, to help Joy express her experience.

"I'm sure it can but you did it anyway. You are so brave, Joy."

Fear stared at Dad through the view screen in shock that he would give her host such noble of a title, when she didn't perform any heroic deeds. She only survived another daily feeding and a monthly tube changing, that was hardly rewarding. But could Joy be considered brave for surviving this harrowing experience? Both Fear and Joy asked the question that was weighing on their minds at the same time.

"I'm brave?"


	11. Chapter 11: Movie and Memories

Author's Note: I was intending on updating much sooner, however, I got sick with Strep Throat twice last month, in between doing one of my teaching certificate exams, then my laptop lost a whole bunch of my paragraphs; as if rewriting the dang blasted thing isn't hard enough, what with having A.D.D. and all! Anyway, I'm having to change the rating, as my story's content is starting to deal with some really mature themes by now. Honestly, why no one I know of really addresses this, except for in Child Development classes, I'll never know. You'd think it would be common knowledge, however, I digress. Anyway, I'll have to do some backstory on this chapter, however, I figured you all would enjoy what it was like for my emotions and myself being three and a half years old. With that being said, on with the story!

Chapter Eleven

Movies and Memories

November 26, 1989

Watching melodramatic con artist Ursula persuade passionate, impulsive Ariel to give up her voice in exchange for a human body reminded Fear of something that had happened to their host three years ago. Sure, Fear understood if something was somewhat similar to what Joy went through but didn't match it exactly that the two just happened to be similar but also knew that if a movie scene was almost identical to her girl's own life event, then something more than simple coincidence was at work here. Luckily for her, even though the storage shelves had loads more memories than most hosts Headquarters did, they were less than the overflowing amount the emotions would get in the future and so easy to organize and find, for now, at least. Grabbing the particular memory orb she was looking for, Fear jogged to the Memory Recording Device and waited for the perfect opportunity. A few seconds later, as the others continued watching The Little Mermaid in the movie theater, Fear quietly slipped the memory of their confrontation with Prince Lucifer into the slot.

"Huh, what the, what just happened?" Delight exclaimed in surprise at the sudden interruption.

"I'm playing this memory, instead," Fear declared.

"Fear!" All four emotions yelled in angry protest.

"Fear, you're ruining the movie!" Anger screamed in fury, his red hair becoming a flame of fire.

"Don't you all think it's a little suspicious how the scene in this movie is too creepily accurate to what we went through? I mean, how does this Walt Disney Company know almost word for word what happened to us? Just change a few things around and the situation would be exactly identical to ours, that can't be a coincidence, right guys?"

"No Fear, it's not a coincidence, because the Walt Disney Company has access to our memories and can rearrange them into any way they want to so they can tell a story. It's how they connect with their audience, you see, by viewing people's experiences," Sadness pointed out dryly, deciding to mess with her friend's mind, just for the fun of it. Delight, Disgust and Anger stared at Sadness in shock for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter at what she just said, collapsing onto the consul to keep themselves upright. The consul glowed yellow, green and red, causing Joy to burst out laughing and earn herself glares from not only her parents but also several people in the theater, who turned to glower at her.

"I don't see why you're laughing Joy, this scene really isn't all that funny," Mom scolded.

That shut the three up, who slunk off shamefaced toward the couch, while Joy slid in her seat, wishing she could be anywhere but in that theater, with everyone looking at her, like she was an alien from another planet. Why did life have to be so complicated? She wasn't even laughing at the scene but at the comment of the voice inside her head, then she felt this strong urge to laugh at the ridiculousness of the joke. Joy strongly considered explaining herself, then thought better of it and turned her attention back toward the movie.

"Delight, how do you spell coincidence, memories, rearrange, audience and experiences?" Fear asked Delight, who was sitting to the right of the fearful emotion.

"Why do you ask?" Delight questioned curiously, peering over Fear's shoulder at the notepad she was scribbling on.

"Because I'm writing down conspiracy theories on how the Walt Disney Company knows so much about the memories of our lives to put them into their films for the rest of the world to see."

"It was a joke, haven't you ever heard of a dry sense of humor?" Sadness exclaimed, incredulously.

"I don't see how being dry has anything to do with having a sense of humor," Fear pointed out, looking up from her notepad to cluelessly stare at Sadness.

"I mean an ironic ohh, never mind, jokes are wasted on emotions who don't understand them, anyway" Sadness growled in frustration, quickly turning back to the movie.

Grabbing another memory orb, Fear ejected the first one and pushed in the second one. This was the last straw for Delight, who just wanted her host and other emotions to share in the fun of watching the new Disney movie in the theater, instead of getting interrupted with one of her host's memories every few seconds. It was bad enough that Delight had to wait this long for her host to start feeling a little bit of happiness in her daily life, to have that fun interrupted too was just unacceptable.

"Fear, just let the movie play and stop spoiling the fun," Delight groaned, as all four of them watched Joy run down the plank back when she was called Beauty, leap off of it, turn into a barely recognizable baby and soar into their mom's stomach.

"Don't you think it's just a little bit weird that the music reminds you of this memory?" Fear asked, her voice trembling slightly at her bravery. Usually she would keep silent but surely they saw how strange this was or if they didn't they should. If Fear was the only one who saw the obvious when the others didn't, then it was her job to speak up and warn the others of this oncoming danger, so they could possibly prevent it and save Joy.

Anger got up from the couch and stomped over to the microphone for a second, his red hair sizzling in suppressed frustration at getting interrupted when he should be back on the couch with the others, enjoying the movie, like he was supposed to. Thanks to Fear's antics, however, Anger had to ask when his host could get the movie so they could all finally see the scenes they missed out on. Anger briefly wondered if other Angers had as aggravating of Fear colleagues as Joy's was, before directing his host to ask the all-important question.

"Mom, how long do we have to wait for this movie to come out on VHS?" Joy asked her mother, who was sitting to the right of her.

"A year, why, do you like this movie so far, do you want to buy it once it becomes available?"

"Yes."

Mom gave her daughter a strange look at the tense tone she was using but turned back to the movie, this was an intense scene after all, maybe she was reacting to the mounting tension of it.

Anger stepped away from the microphone on the consul and stomped over to Fear, who was too preoccupied with writing in her notebook to notice the danger ahead of her. Sneaking up behind Fear, silently praying his sizzling red hair wouldn't give him away, Anger drew back his hand and slapped Fear upside the head, causing her pencil to go flying and her to drop the notebook.

"Ow, Anger what was that for?" Fear exclaimed, rubbing the back of her head, as strands of her bushy hair flew in all directions with several loud buzzing sounds, as if someone had electrocuted it.

"A YEAR! _We have to wait a whole year to watch this scene because you had to replay one of our memories instead and the movie people playing it can't rewind the movie, because of your stupid conspiracy theories_!" Anger roared, his red hair standing up and becoming engulfed in a flame.

"My conspiracy theories aren't stupid Anger, they are to help protect Joy from oncoming danger!" Fear snapped back, putting her hands on her hips after retrieving her pencil and notebook from the floor, as well as ignoring her hair going in all directions, again, from her fire headed colleague yelling at her so suddenly.

" _Why couldn't we just wait to get the memory and watch it together, then discuss your conspiracy theories but oh no, you had to interrupt our viewing to talk about how suspicious the scene looked right then! Now we have to wait a whole year to watch the scene again because you ruined the memory for us! Do you know how long a year is?_ **That's like, forever**!"

Not wanting to pick a fight with Anger, Fear didn't retort back, she couldn't think of a good comeback at this moment to rebut against Anger, anyway. Once the fire shrank from his hair, Anger huffed frustratingly and stomped back to his seat. Fear noticed but actively chose to ignore the four other emotions purposefully move away from her without leaving their seats. Flipping the page, Fear continued to write on her notepad, glancing every now and again at the theater screen in front of her.

Noticing a movie scene that caught her attention, Fear bolted from her seat, up to the consul. A second later, Fear leaped into the air and tightly gripped the edge of the consul to keep from utterly failing to the floor, considering the fact that her legs had suddenly become weak and completely collapsed from underneath her; keeping her wide, dilated eyes on the monitor, as she pushed throttles and pulled levers without looking down at her hands, making her girl jump almost as high as she had earlier, with a sudden yell.

"Whoa, she's so beautiful!" All five emotions gasped, as the black outline of Ariel's body burst up to the sky suddenly, glad to have the momentary distraction from their current argument. Both Anger and Delight worked the consul at the same time, in blissful, passionate arousal, rubbing their bodies against the hard surface of the consul to provide themselves with some relief. Fear wrung her hands behind them, asking if Joy should feel this way towards someone of the same gender as herself but was ignored by all the emotions present.

Joy looked down at her lap to notice a strange, pleasurable, tingling warmth in her privates and pressed her hand to her heart, to feel that same sensation there, too, at almost the exact same time. She didn't know what this new sensation was from seeing that wonderful scene but she liked it, it felt good and she wanted to experience more of it, whatever it was.

Sadness turned around to glance at Fear several minutes later, after hearing a pencil scratch against paper during this whole time, then stared in shock at the tall piles of paper growing around the Memory Recording Device, with Fear adding to them by the minute. She was going to have to help put a stop to this or else Fear would cause a fire hazard. She hated causing her friend to be angry with her but Delight was more persuasive than she was.

"Delight?" Sadness asked hesitatingly, shaking the cheerful emotion's arm repeatedly in an aggravating manner.

"WHAT SADNESS? _What is so important that you have to interrupt me from watching this fun movie?"_ Delight exclaimed, finally snapping at the interruption after actively ignoring the scribbling and tearing sounds coming from the Memory Recording Device, where Fear had sat hunched over for the last half hour.

"Um, you might want to see this."

Delight spun around in anger, then stared in shock at Fear's small stacks of paper all around the Memory Recording Device. Although Sadness was sensitive to others feelings, this particular job also required a fair bit of tact, charm, diplomatic negotiation and optimism, two of the four things Sadness just wasn't very good at. Taking a deep breath to mentally prepare herself, Delight cautiously walked over to Fear, who glanced at her from the top of the notepad, then continued her scribblings.

"Fear what is this?" Delight asked in annoyance.

"It's papers about my thoughts on how this movie making company knows so much about us without meeting or talking to us."

Delight stared at Fear incredulously. Delight could appreciate analytical skills, sharing that talent with Fear, herself. This was more than a few piles of papers though, the bushy haired emotion was clearly taking things way too far.

"Fear, don't you think this obsession of yours is getting a little out of hand?" Delight asked hesitantly, not wanting to make the fearful emotion angry but hoping she could make her colleague see reason.

"No I don't, not if it keeps Joy safe," Fear growled stiffly, pulling the notepad closer to her, as if guarding top secret documents from enemies.

"I don't mean we should throw any of these papers away, just that we should put them somewhere safe, like in binders and stuff."

"Okay," Fear trailed off, sighing in relief and putting down her notebook, a sure sign that she wasn't going to panic about having her precious papers thrown away.

"What are you working on that's so important that you're missing all the fun of watching this wonderful movie?"

"It's like I said earlier Delight, I find it really weird that this Walt Disney Company knows so much about our past when we had sworn to Father to not tell anyone about what had transpired before we were born, until the time is right. How could they possibly know what we went through, when we haven't breathed a word about our experiences to one single soul? The whole thing just disturbs me, that's all." Fear started scribbling in her notebook again, as she finished speaking her sentence.

"Well, stranger things have happened to us before, this all might just be a coincidence."

"THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE!" Fear howled, bouncing on her seat, shaking her arms and stomping her feat for emphasis.

"Shh!" Sadness, Disgust and Anger exclaimed, turning towards the two emotions behind them and putting their fingers to their lips.

"Please keep your voice down Fear, we don't want to anger the others any more than they already are or else we're ruining their fun too," Delight whispered to Fear.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Fear whispered back. "I'M SORRY FOR RUINING YOUR FUN!" Fear exclaimed.

"SHH!" Disgust and Anger yelled again.

"If Fear says one more word, I'm going to make her into potpourri and feed her to the investigators and when they say 'oh, this is good, what's your secret ingredients?' I will say passion and heat and fire!" Anger viciously grumbled to Disgust and Sadness, not bothering to keep his voice down. Disgust laughed, while Sadness blanched at his comment. Turning toward the remaining emotions behind her, Sadness gave Delight and Fear a sympathetic look, who gave her the universal thumbs up and a tight lipped smile.

"I'm not saying your conspiracy theory is wrong Fear, just that it's a little far-fetched."

"Look Delight," Fear sighed in annoyance, slamming her pencil down on the notepad, "I'm not saying that my conspiracy theory is right or wrong, it just really weirds me out and I'd rather analyze it now for any potential dangers, than to ignore it and find out that it's something really important to shield Joy from."

"Suite yourself. Personally, I'd rather just enjoy the moment for what it is, experience a little happiness while we can. Joy can't be happy all of the time, no one can be happy for every second of every day but seeing as I'm her happy emotion, I can provide her a happy childhood to fondly look back on in her older years!" Delight bragged, leaning back in a folding chair on two legs.

Fear reached out her hand to steady the chair, on the verge of voicing her thoughts to her colleague for emphasis, after looking the cheerful emotion in the eye to translate them but thought better of it. She doubted the careless emotion would listen to her word of warning, anyway. It would all be a waste of breath, effort and words.

"Whoa!" Delight cried out as she tipped too far and slammed back first onto the hard, tiled floor.

"Are you alright?" Fear gasped, dropping her pencil to check on her optimistic colleague.

"The only thing that's bruised is my pride," Delight smirked, getting up and righting the chair, then wincing and rubbing the back of her head, where it had hit the tiled floor seconds earlier.

Both emotions giggled at Delight's sense of humor. It was in that moment when they realized they made a pretty good team, especially since they had all just been trying to assist Joy in surviving, until recently.

"I'll help you organize these papers into plastic protected binders once the movie's over, Sadness would be willing to help too, if we ask her nicely."

"Thanks Delight, I would really appreciate that," Fear genuinely grinned at Delight's offer of help.

"Hey Delight?" Fear added, as Delight turned back to watch the movie.

"Yeah Fear," Delight asked, turning her head back to the fearful emotion.

"I'm just wondering, since we make a pretty good team and all and I think of you as more than a colleague, if maybe we can be more than just acquaintances who were forced to work together for the survival of our host. If perhaps, we can become friends." Fear wrung her hands in worry at her own boldness, dropping her pencil in the process.

"Really? I'd love to be your friend, Fear!" Delight exclaimed excitedly, thinking better of hugging the fearful emotion, not wanting to scare her new friend, away.

"So would I, thanks Delight."

"You're welcome, Fear."


	12. Chapter 12: Something's Wrong!

Chapter Twelve

Something Wrong!

February 6, 1991

Joy stared in shock that some of her family were here in her living room. She could overhear them talk about how grateful they were for the pretty weather, unlike the blizzard she was born in the middle of and how fortunate it was to celebrate her fourth birthday. This was only the small group of family members who would raise her, until she would be old enough to go out on her own. She didn't know where the others were but she did recognize the nine who were here. She had no idea what their earth names were, however, she already knew them from their heaven names. Besides a few minor differences, they all looked about the same as they did when she had first met them, many years ago.

"Why don't you go say hi to your family and thank them for coming to your birthday, Joy. It's the polite thing to do and will make them feel welcome in celebrating this special day with you," Mom suggested, warmly.

"Birthday? What's a birthday?" Joy asked in confusion.

"A birthday is the day of your birth, just like today is February sixth, the day of the month you were born on, three years ago from today," Mom explained, knowledgeably.

"Oh…okay!" Joy exclaimed, eager to do what Mom said and make her family feel welcome. This wasn't all that different from the many parties, feasts and celebrations that went on in Heaven, at each person's arrival through the golden and pearl studded gates. It should be easy enough to thank everyone for coming and listen and converse with her small family and enjoy a meal with them, just like the good, old days.

"Why don't you open your presents?" Mom suggested, pointing toward three perfectly wrapped, rectangular parcels sitting on the side table, when they hadn't been there, yesterday.

I noticed a freezing sensation in my chest at being given gifts. In Heaven, I only got material possessions handed to me if I did something in return to receive them. To not do so would be stealing those things and so breaking my trust with that other person. Yet, here was Mom, requesting that I willingly go against what I had been taught.

"I'm sorry but I can't accept your presents," I apologized, hoping we could go back to talking about the weather, that sounded more fun than the current situation I found myself in.

"Why not?" Mom asked, with a weird look on her face, a frown marring her forehead and a strange mix of emotions in her light, bluish green eyes.

"Well," I hesitated, worried about making this current situation even worse and hurting everyone's feelings, yet needing to be truthful, to explain the dilemma I was currently in. "I'm not supposed to take a present, unless if it's earned, through doing something from somebody else and seeing as I didn't do anything to deserve these gifts, I can't take them from you, sorry."

"We are happy to give them to you to show how much you mean to us. It's another way to celebrate your birthday or the day of your birth."

"Celebrate, what's celebrate mean?"

"It means we're throwing a small party for you in honor of the day you were born."

"A party for me?" I exclaimed, incredulous that anyone would celebrate my very existence, much less a few people who loved me.

"Yes, do you see those balloons we've tied to the corners of the living room and do you remember the candles you just blew out and the cake you just ate?"

"Yes," I replied, after looking at the paper plates, plastic forks, knives and spoons and the white cake on the kitchen table, as well as the pastel balloons taped to the corners of the living room, confirming what Mom was saying.

"Well, it's to show that we're having a party for you."

A second later, it felt as if the memory of the knowledge Mom had just given me was suddenly erased from my recall and I blinked at her in confusion. Was this normal to forget stuff so quickly or was it caused by my prematurity, just like a lot of my other health problems were?

"What's a party?" I asked.

"Look at the cake and the balloons around you, that's what a party is," Mom sighed in disappointed aggravation at my momentary lapse of memory.

A second later, I remembered what we had just been talking about and muttered a small oh of quiet realization. What had just happened, though? Why did I forget what we had just talked about for a second and could now remember it?

"This is what I mean when I talked to you earlier about my current worry. Sometimes I wonder how much she understands me Amy, I know toddlers don't understand much of how the world works but she seems to understand even less than they do. I wonder how smart she really is, after her oxygen deprivation and everything she's been through." Mom addressed a dark brown haired, bright brown eyed woman with an oval face, beak nose and slightly tanned skin, which I remembered was previously named Teacher, when I first knew her.

"That's not Amy, that's Teacher!"

"Yes Joy, your Aunt Amy's a teacher," Mom sighed, showing remarkable patience, considering that I was inadvertently testing hers and everyone else's around me.

"See what I mean? I know she's just four but she just seems to understand so little of the world around her. Most smart kids will be able to figure out some of what people tell them, instead of asking obvious questions like this. I know she doesn't have Cystic Fibrosis as I recognize the symptoms from working with children with that diagnosis but I wonder if she doesn't have some kind of brain damage. I wouldn't be surprised if she has some form of mental retardation, most kids born premature who survive their babyhood do. I suppose I should be grateful that she doesn't have Cystic Fibrosis but I was hoping for a normal child with only her COPD and possible learning disabilities. You work with lots of elementary school children over the years, what do you think?"

"Well Kelly, she could have mental retardation like you said but she could also just have a learning disability. We won't know until she's tested for Kindergarten."

Everyone stared at me in blank confusion at my words.

"Joy certainly seems to have a very vivid imagination for a four year old, doesn't she?" Nana asked.

"It certainly appears that way," Nurture agreed in her slow, methodical voice that reminded me of Sadness's, without the accent.

"But it's not my imagination at all Nurture, I really do remember your name before your life here on earth," I explained, staring into her dark blue eyes, which widened in surprise at my words. "All of yours," I added, staring at each family member, before turning my attention back to Nurture.

"My name is not Nurture, it's Grandma, although it's very nice that you think of me as a nurturing person. We've met before, several times in fact, although…I don't think you really remember me, do you?"

Meanwhile, my emotions were having a field day in Headquarters over all of this that was currently transpiring

"Don't answer that question Delight, you'll only make things worse," Anger growled in his gravelly voice. "You idiot, what's the one rule we're supposed to follow while we're here? Never, ever tell anyone about our past experiences and what are you doing? Telling the whole family about our past experiences!"

"They're only a small portion of our whole family. The rest are either still up in the Kingdom of Heaven or somewhere on this earth," Sadness pointed out.

"Ugh, yes Sadness, we know, we only mean the family members who are here, with us, today," Anger and Disgust groaned, running individual hands over their faces, tiredly.

"They're our family, surely they'll understand us!" Delight insisted, gesturing to the monitor.

"DO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TO YOU! NO, THEY'RE GIVING YOU THAT BLANK LOOK BECAUSE THEY'RE CONFUSED AND THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE! THEY DON'T HAVE THE SAME MEMORIES THAT WE DO, IT'S NO WONDER MOM THINKS WE'RE MENTALLY RETARDED!"

Anger's red hair was completely engulfed in flames as he screamed, which was quickly beginning to travel down the sides of his face and would eventually reach his arms, waist and legs. If his whole body got completely engulfed in flames, then he would be uncontrollable and possibly cause their host to say or do something that would hurt either herself or someone else. Every emotion jumped at Anger's sudden yell and quickly moved away from him, having previously experiences getting accidentally burned by his flames, before.

"I don't know what's the matter with the Memory Recording Device, it was working just fine before today. Why is it not recalling memories of new information we're getting? Do you think it's broken?" Fear fretted, taking out the tool kit she had hidden underneath the machine, unscrewing the screws with the screw driver, lifting off the cover and checking for jams and lose connections, yelping every now and again when she would accidentally touch a spark from the red, blue, black and yellow wires inside as she spoke, which made her bushy hair frizzle with electricity.

"Who cares about the Memory Recording Device, we have more important things to worry about, like convincing Delight to keep her big, fat mouth shut, instead of blabbing our happy memories to everyone around us!"

"Hey, I can keep a secret!" Delight snapped, insulted by his assumption.

"Then do it!"

"Fear, don't you think it would be safer to turn that thing off while you work on it?" Sadness suggested timidly.

"Turning the Memory Recording Device off while Joy's still awake is very dangerous Sadness, she needs it running right now, broken or not." Fear began replacing everything as she spoke, not looking up at the dark skinned emotion, so she could concentrate on what she was doing.

"Well, what about tonight when she's asleep?"

"Well, she needs the Monitor for when we see the dream tonight."

"I don't mean the Monitor, I mean the Memory Recording Device," Sadness's slow, patient voice was tingled with annoyance by this point.

"Oh, well, the Memory Recording Device isn't running when the Dream Movie does, it only plays memories, while the Monitor is used to run the film, so that could work."

"Come here Joy, I have a surprise for you," Aunt Amy said, motioning her niece over with her finger.

The one word surprise was the wrong thing to say. Ever since Dr. Evil Laugh called the shot he gave Joy a surprise, she had associated all surprises as bad and scary. A freezing cold sensation took over Joy's body, spreading from her heart to every corner of her insides and outsides, freezing her to the spot for a few seconds.

"Then I don't want your surprise, thank you." I replied, not moving from my spot in the middle of the living room.

"Joy doesn't like anyone using the word surprise when giving her something. It scares her, for some strange reason. She seems to think surprises are something to be scared of. What your aunt means is that she has presents for you." "Come here Joy, I have some presents for you," Mom encouraged, motioning her daughter to come over to a small stack of wrapped, rectangular boxes on the side table, next to Aunt Amy.

"Here Joy, open your gifts," Mom offered, handing me three rectangular boxes that were brightly wrapped in fragile paper with colorful decorations on them and large bows in the middle.

"I don't get it, why is Mom handing us these three boxes? Are they dangerous, will they hurt us?" Fear fretted, shoving throttles and pushing buttons on the consul as she spoke into the microphone and watched the monitor at the same time. Each of the emotions worked the consul so often that they knew where every button was, without having to look down at it.

"Since when does Mom hand us something dangerous?" Anger exclaimed, incredulously.

"Hey, it can happen, Mom hurts us when she puts the feeding tube down our throat."

"She has to Fear, it's the only way to get nutrients into our stomach for right now, until we can feed ourselves! Sometimes I wonder where you get some of your crazy ideas."

"My ideas are not crazy Anger, I'm here to keep Joy safe," Fear started, only to be interrupted by Delight.

"What is it? Why is it so boxy and rectangular? Is it the new movie from The Little Mermaid film we watched at the movie theater?" Delight asked, bouncing around the consul in her excitement of guessing what kind of entertainment device was under the wrapping paper.

"We don't even know what the word rectangular is, which is sad," Sadness sighed from behind Delight.

"Maybe it's Joy's soul!" Delight exclaimed, excitedly.

"Don't be stupid Delight, people can't give each other souls," Disgust scoffed.

"Hey, don't call Delight stupid Disgust, Savior did say that we would get a piece of himself in spirit form, once we accept him into our hearts, because it's a special present from him to us," Anger pointed out.

"That's if we believe in Savior's taking our wrongdoings on himself through His sacrificial death to give us an opportunity to enter into the eternal Kingdom of Heaven," Sadness pointed out, knowledgeably.

Disgust and Fear turned to Sadness, Anger and Delight, staring at the three incredulously. How Sadness, Anger and Delight got their strange beliefs, Disgust and Fear would never know.

"What? I'm just telling you what I know!" Anger exclaimed defensively.

"Same here," Sadness and Delight chorused, then giggled at saying the same word at the same time.

"Oh no, I don't want these presents, I didn't earn them."

"You don't need to earn presents on your birthday Joy."

"Oh, okay."

Joy cautiously stepped toward the brightly wrapped boxes and carefully unwrapped the wrapping paper at the taped creases, wanting to save the beautiful designs, as it must have taken a lot of work to cover the box. She noticed her whole family watching her in tense anticipation, almost impatient but ignored their whispered questions, to the best of her ability. This made her body slowly tense, expecting something shocking to happen

"Why is it taking so long?"

"Why is she unwrapping the presents so slowly?"

"Shouldn't she just rip the paper off the package?"

"Do you hear what our family's saying about us, do you see their faces? They're judging us!" Fear fretted, yanking a throttle up for her girl to notice the shocked and angry looks on everyone's faces and twisting a lever to make her cringe.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Joy, just rip the paper off already! No one cares about the wrapping, we'll take all day at the rate you're going and we'll just throw the paper away, anyway!" Mom snapped.

Finally getting some of the paper off, Joy peered at the movie before her, as Aunt Amy helped her tear off the rest of the wrapping. Not looking at the movie in front of her, Joy carefully folded the wrapping paper and put it in her pocket for safe keeping. She was just satisfied with keeping the beautiful paper, maybe she could hang it up in her room, that way she would always remember where she got it, on her birthday.

"Don't you want to see the movie you got?" Aunt Amy and Mom asked at the same time.

"No, I just want to keep the wrapping paper," I replied, eyeing the other wrapping paper and satisfied with my present.

"You can keep the wrapping paper if you want to, why don't you look at the movies we got for you?"

I peered at the cover of a green clad boy with wavy brown hair flying, leading a group of three children and shrugged at it. "What's this movie called?" I asked, not being able to make out the words of the title, since they were fuzzy, as if in another language.

"It's called Peter Pan, it's a movie we grew up with as kids and hope that you will enjoy it, too!" Aunt Amy explained.

"Oh, I've already seen this one a long time ago, in a movie theater."

Both Mom and Aunt Amy stared at me in shock for a few seconds, before responding.

"Since when did you see Peter Pan in a movie theater, Joy? You weren't even born, then!"

Anger lit his hand, until it burned a red hot like a coal and slapped the back of Sadness's head with it, causing her whole body to smack forward, just as the Train of Thought screeched loudly and fell off its tracks outside the window, near the consul. The consul itself let out an ominous buzz and shake.

"Ow, Anger, what was that for?" Sadness snapped, gingerly rubbing the back of her head with her right hand, as she pushed herself up with her left.

"You know why," Anger snarled, his hair heating in aggravation, again.

"Guys, is the consul supposed to malfunction like that?" Fear asked nervously, wringing her hands in worry.

The four other emotions were just glad that their girl kept silent, as she set the movie aside and turned to the next box. At Mom's insistence, I quickly ripped off the paper, to reveal a black haired boy dancing with a grey bear, a tan snake watching suspiciously from the right and a black panther protectively from the left. I stared at the letters but couldn't make out what they spelled.

"What's this one called?" I asked.

"The Jungle Book, it's another one of our favorites that we hope you'll enjoy almost as much as we did," Mom smiled.

"Why almost?" I asked.

"Because we got to see it in the theater, while you'll watch it at home."

'But I did see it in the theater, along with Peter Pan,' I thought excitedly but wisely kept my mouth shut. If my family reacted oddly from my memory of seeing the first movie, they'd have even stronger reactions if I said I saw this movie, too, which I had.

All five emotions turned in surprise, as the ground outside their Headquarters shook, as if by some earthquake, making buildings moan. Waiting for the earthquake to stop, all five slowly turned back around to the monitor, trying not to think about what had just happened. Fear still had her hand wrapped around Delight's, tense with worry, then finally relaxing when she noticed that her girl didn't repeat the optimistic emotion's sentence.

"Oh…If that's all, then I'll just take these wrapping papers to my room and hang them up. Thank you everyone for your gifts," I replied, my mouth slightly lifting in a smile.

"Don't you want to unwrap your last present?" Mom asked.

"I have more?" I asked, incredulously. To get two gifts for free was enough, to get three was almost more than I could bear, it was way too much than what I deserved.

"Yes, you have your last gift, which you haven't opened, yet….Go on, open it," Mom encouraged when I hesitated, almost afraid to touch this last prize.

Cautiously tearing off the paper and folding it aside, I saw a picture of Ariel, looking towards Flounder, who was jumping up out of the water and smiling, while Eric sat across from her, King Triton reaching around his palace to the left and Ursula doing the same to the right. Sebastian on the rock near Prince Eric, staring up at Ariel with open admiration, his clawed hands held up.

There was another screech and crash, as the second Train of Thought fell into the Memory Dump far below, causing all five emotions to stare and wince, not daring to touch the consul for a few minutes. When they finally did turn back, it was only to find the Memory Retrieval Device had somehow jammed, blocking the memory orbs of the movie all five of them had seen the year before.

"What is wrong with this stupid, useless thing?" Fear cried in frustration, bracingly shoving the release throttle, to make the Memory Retrieval Device work, again.

"I think we need to call repairman in here, the Memory Retrieval Device is broken, which is very sad," Sadness moaned with disappointment

"What's this movie about?" I asked. I felt like I should remember it, that it was important but I couldn't recall its name or storyline. When I tried to recall a memory of it, I came up blank, with absolutely nothing

"It's The Little Mermaid, we watched it last year, don't you remember?" Mom asked, clearly annoyed.

As if waiting for those words, the Memory Retrieval Device clicked, several memory orbs speeding down the shelf and playing quickly one after the other onto the Monitor.

"Oh, yeah, now I remember," I replied, trying to process those seconds of memories flashing before my eyes a second ago, when I couldn't recall anything, beforehand.

"There, you see Fear, the Memory Retrieval Device is working now, all it needed were the right words to get it started again!" Delight exclaimed brightly.

"Joy…"

Fear gave Delight a withering look as she replied, "That doesn't mean it still works or that it will keep on working, Delight. Something's wrong with the consul, why else would it continuously malfunction?"

"Joy…"

"That does it, we're definitely calling a repairman, as soon as possible, tomorrow morning at the latest! I'm not having our girl suffering from memory glitches, thanks to a faulty consul! That's unfair to her and to all of us!" Anger raged, everyone else nodding in agreement.

"Joy!" Fear nearly had a heart attack from the scream, slamming her body into the consul and hurriedly twisting levers and pushing throttles, making her girl yelp and leap at least a foot in surprise.

"Ahh, what, what happened?" I gasped.

"I said what do you say to your Aunt Amy?"

"Thank you Aunt Amy for The Little Mermaid movie, I love it and I'll enjoy watching it over and over again!"

"What about the other movies?" Mom asked in bemusement.

"Oh, I'll watch the other movies, too but I'll especially watch this movie because it's my favorite!"

"Maybe you'll enjoy the other movies just as much, you'll never know until you try watching them," Aunt Amy pointed out.

"Maybe…" I shrugged.

"Do you want to watch the movies you just got?" Mom asked.

"Oh yes, only if you all do," I added, not wanting to make my guests feel uncomfortable doing something they didn't want to do.

"We'd love to, which movie do you want to watch first?"

That was an easy choice, "The Little Mermaid first, please."

Mom picked up the VHS cover, opened it and popped The Little Mermaid VHS into the VCR, as I sat in front of the TV on the floor, listening to my other voices settle themselves on a couch to watch too, while the angry one called about a broken consul, whatever that was. Delight was at the consul currently, dizzyingly pushing buttons, levers and throttles, to make her girl feel happy at watching her favorite movie at home with her whole family, a wave of yellow memory orbs clinking on the shelf behind her.

"I don't care if you are alone young man, I insist that you come repair this broken consul immediately….Well of course it's not malfunctioning now, it's been doing so for a whole hour…of course it hasn't blown up, the Memory Retrieval Device just won't work on it…No I don't want the Memory Retrieval Device repaired, I need the consul repaired! No, I don't want to be put on hold, we're talking about the consul here, not the Memory Retrieval Device, how many times do I have to tell you that!...Don't you dare hang up on me! I called you for a specific reason, to repair the consul-" CLICK.

"Argh!" Anger screamed, throwing the old fashioned, rotary wall phone back onto its cradle with a slam. "Stupid, lazy, no good whippersnapper! Doesn't care that our girl is suffering some sort of memory break down, all because he needs someone to be there to man the phones!" Anger ranted. He then shouted several curse words, kicking furniture in his fury, as his hair flamed.

"Anger, why don't you relax and come watch the movie with us? We'll call them in about an hour, maybe by then thing will have calmed down," Sadness suggested, watching Anger from the couch, who still continued to mutter choice words under his breath but he stomped over to the couch and flopped onto it, anyway.

This was only the beginning of the thirty one consuls and control panels that would need to be repaired as the years went on. All five emotions knew that something was wrong with their girl, that much was obvious, they just weren't quite sure what it was, yet. What they didn't know was that life as they knew it for them was about to get worse, a whole lot worse. So bad that they would look back on this memory as a happy, long lost good day, of a happy moment, long gone by, when all they had to worry about was the consul momentarily malfunctioning.


	13. Chapter 13 Potty TrainingSexual Arousal

Controlled by Fear

Chapter Thirteen

Potty Training and Sexual Arousal

Speaking of problems, I noticed an immediate one that was becoming an emergency. Feeling an urgency to use the toilet, yet still trapped in Fear's arms, I couldn't help but squirm in desperation and wring the edge of my nightshirt. Fear looked down and saw that something was wrong, immediately.

"Fear, I need to go," I admitted.

"Go?" Fear repeated in confusion.

"Yes, go, now!" I gasped, feeling the urge nearly overpower me, as I desperately stood up, shook off Fear's arms, bent down slightly, crossed my legs at the ankles and clutched my front privates with my hands.

"Hey, it looks like you need to, oh, oh that go!" Fear exclaimed, looking over her shoulder at the bathroom, which would be too far away, even if she did run full speed toward it, then turned back towards me, as I started jumping up and down and hopping from one foot to the other.

"Here, use the bucket, I'll just give you two some privacy, shall I?" Anger asked, joining Disgust, Sadness and Delight on the couch.

"Fear, I can't do it, what if I fall in?" I asked fearfully, eyeing the large bucket with doubt.

"Then I'll hold you until you finish going. Don't worry, I won't let you fall in," Fear encouraged, gently pulling my pajama bottoms and diaper down to my ankles and setting me on the lip of the bucket.

"Fear, I'm scared," I whimpered, looking into Fear's widening eyes with my matching ones.

"Hey, I've got you, I'm right here. I know that peeing and pooping in anything but your diaper is new and new things are always scary but I'll stay right with you and we'll go through this experience together, okay?"

"Okay…Fear, can I hug you until it's all over?"

"If doing so makes you feel any better, then okay."

Wrapping my arms around Fear's neck as she sat across from me, I pulled her close to me and buried my head into the crook of her neck, inhaling her lavender scent, tensing my whole body for the unexpected.

"Peeing and pooping in a bucket is just like doing so in a toilet, it won't hurt, it won't even feel uncomfortable. Just relax and let go," Fear encouraged gently, rubbing my upper back, soothingly.

I stiffened my lower body even more, the urgency to go intensifying so much that I feared my insides would explode from the barely constrained effort of preventing it. I shook my head in retaliation and burst into tears, just as the urge to pee overpowered my desperation to hold it in any longer. A few seconds later, a sudden gush of warm, wet liquid poured out of me, into the bucket with a sudden splash, making me jump and cling tighter to Fear. Fear stiffened then shivered, as she slightly tightened her arms around me. As I realized what I had just done, I cried even harder, unable to speak and started pulling away, so I could run as far away from the fearful emotion as I could, to get away from the frightening situation I found myself in.

"No, no, no, don't do that, I know this is really scary but I'm still not leaving you. I'm here, I'm right here," Fear insisted in a gently desperate manner as she slightly tightened her grip on me as I started to thrash around in desperation to get away from both her and the situation I found myself in.

This only made the situation worse, as I suddenly stiffened at feeling a large, solid and soft lump force itself out of me and fall down with a plop, then started to all out sob, as the freezing heat in my chest intensified at my inability to completely control my bodily functions.

"Oh Joy Joy, there is nothing to be ashamed of, this is all perfectly natural when using the toilet. It's your body's way of getting rid of waste it doesn't need! We just have to help you control your urges to pee and poor, until we can get to the toilet. We'll all you to learn how to do that, until it becomes automatic, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly in reply, the freezing sensation finally lessening, as the worst was now over. Slowly pulling back, I looked at Fear, who carefully began wiping my eyelids with her own fingers, her eyes warm with empathetic understanding.

"There we go, see, it's not so bad, once you get used to the new experience. We'll help you through this new process one step at a time. You did a wonderful job in using the bucket, for the first time."

So saying, Fear helped me off the bucket and gently wiping me front to back with toilet paper from her pants pocket, although how she hid it in there, I'll never know. I shivered in pleasure at the strangely new sensation running through me, from Fear wiping my front privates. Afterwards, she wadded it and threw it in the bucket, then helped me to pull up my diaper and pajama bottoms, then picked me up, using her right arm to support my bottom and her left arm across my upper back, rubbing it with her hand. Gasping out the last of my freezing hurt between sobs, I rested my head in the crook of her neck, breathing in her lavender perfume and finally relaxing silently in her arms.

"Shh, shh, shh, there we go, that's it, just relax, breath in and out, that's right," Fear murmured, slightly rocking me from side to side. She almost danced with me as she did so, swaying her body to the rhythm of a song that only she could hear.

The feeling of resting in Fear's arms, pressed against her chest, reminded me so strongly of the comforting presence of my own mother, that I briefly wondered if the nervous emotion somehow was her.

I lifted my head to look at her, as she smoothed back my hair and stared into my eyes. Her light bluish green eyes held unconditional love, with an underlying hint of worry. Adjusting me to her jip so that I wouldn't slide out of her grasp, onto the floor, Fear squeezed me closer, making my front privates tingle and burn warmly, at the close proximity of her stomach.

"Are you my mom?" I asked, making the jumpy nerve nearly drop me in surprise.

"Your mom? No, I'm not your mom, although I'm the daughter of your mom and dad's Fears, so I have characteristics identical to theirs, just like you are similar to your parents but are your own person, does that make sense?"

"Yes…my private parts feel all warm and tingly with the way you're holding me, it makes me feel comfortable, I like it."

"Yes, I'm glad you like it, this is so awkward for me," Fear muttered under her breath, her face turning a delicate shade of red, as she started looking anywhere but at the little girl she was holding. Fear finally locked eyes with Anger, who noticed the desperate, pleading look she was silently giving him and waddled over toward the two.

"Is she decent?" Anger asked, coming up behind Fear, who turned, grateful for the momentary distraction. "What's the matter with you?"

Yes, she's decent. Anger, we have a massive problem on our hands." Leaning me away from her face, Fear bent down and whispered in Anger's left ear, which I could still hear, despite her best efforts, "Joy's having sexual arousal and I don't know what to do about it," whose eyes widened, before his face also turned red.

"I take it this is from The Little Mermaid movie, huh?" Anger asked, watching as his friend started dancing in place, to express her restless nervousness.

"Yes, can you please take her for a moment for me?" Fear's high pitched voice came out stiff and strained as she asked this, causing me to turn my head towards her in worry.

"Sure, don't worry Joy, she'll be back soon," Anger encouraged, as Fear quickly handed me over to him, then bolted for the bathroom, muttering about needing a shower.

"I was just telling Fear about the burning and tingling feeling I noticed in my front privates when she held me," I replied, innocently.

"Yes, so I've heard. I think you're making Fear feel awkward when you talk to her about that."

"Oh, what's awkward?"  
"It means you're making Fear feel uncomfortable."

"Oh, why?" I asked, squirming slightly from the desperate pressure building inside my front privates.

"Because we didn't expect you to go through this stage of development so early,"

"Oh, it makes me feel wonderful. Why would something that makes me feel wonderful make Fear feel awkward?"

"I don't know," Anger muttered ina tone of voice that clearly meant he did know but didn't want to explain it.

"If what I feel makes me feel wonderful, then shouldn't it make Fear feel wonderful, too?" I asked, sighing in pleasure a moment later, as Anger started to dance around the room with me, relieving the pressure I had felt, earlier. A second later, a stream of warm, wet liquid filled the middle of my diaper, which reminded me of urine, yet didn't feel the same. It was thicker, somehow, like heated milk.

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Anger asked, smiling me down at me, as he spun me slowly around the room. "I think you just startled her and she doesn't know what to do with her new feelings about this new development she didn't' see coming."

"Oh, did I do something wrong in telling her? Should I not be feeling this way?"

"No, you should be, it's perfectly natural. Just give Fear some time, she'll come around." So saying, Anger slowly spun me around one last time, before sitting on the couch and settling me in his lap. A second later, Anger shifted uncomfortably, noticing a wet spot forming on his pants, from where I sat. Lifting me up slightly, Anger checked to see the liquid in my diaper was clear, not the usual yellowish tint.

"Um, Sadness, can you please change her, I think Joy had an accident and not that kind of accident, either," Anger added awkwardly, before Sadness could say anything.

"Oh, I see what you mean. Sure, I guess. Come on Joy, let's go to the bathroom, before Anger dies of embarrassment over here," Sadness teased in her somber tone, as she gently picked me up and started carrying me to the bathroom. "This is all perfectly natural for girls to go through, Anger, as well as boys."

"I'm not dying of embarrassment, Sadness," Anger growled defensively, his red hair burning and sizzling, as if to say otherwise.

"Sure you aren't, tell that to your hair," Sadness chuckled darkly, as Anger yelled in fury, making Delight and Disgust yelp and shoot off the couch.

"Now, don't you worry Joy, we'll get you all cleaned up," Sadness reassured me, rubbing small, comforting circles into my upper back, as she walked, with my head cushioned on her right shoulder, my right ear pressed to it.

That's when I noticed the same urgency to pee, again. Squirming slightly, I pulled back to look into Sadness's sleepy, cerulean blue ones. Sadness held me in place and stared back at me, with warm understanding.

"Sadness, I need to pee, again," I admitted.

"I know we'll get you to the bathroom as soon as possible," Sadness assured me, as her slow walk quickly turned into a jog.

Entering the bathroom, Sadness and I heard Fear singing loudly in the shower, the water sounding like a large waterfall, making me scream and thrash around, to get away from the noises. Sadness nearly dropped me in surprise, then gripped me tighter. Fear's scream of surprise and loud thuds, as she first hit her head on the ceiling, then fell to the floor, caused me to scream even louder.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's alright Joy, everything's fine, it's just loud noises. You're safe, you're fine, you're okay, shh, shh, shh, I'm right here," Sadness murmured, stroking my upper back slowly and gently rocking me from side to side.

A scrambling noise and the high pitched sound of the faucets being turned off, caused me to scream again, as Fear tugged a towel on and yanked back the shower curtain, her light bluish green eyes wide and her lavender face pale. Tan skin and clothes lay on the floor, near the shower stall. This sudden new noise made me jump yet again and uncontrollably shiver in Sadness's arms.

"What happened? Is Joy hurt? Is she in pain?" Fear asked worriedly, scampering over to check on her girl.

I jumped again, this time at Fear's face coming way too close to mine, so unexpectedly. A second later, a gush of warm, wet liquid suddenly poured into my diaper, soaking it instantly. I hid my face in Sadness's shoulder, as tears sprang into my eyes, at having another accident, I couldn't control.

"Great going Fear, I just calmed her down and hoped we could make it to the toilet on time," Sadness sighed in disappointment.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect her to scream like that, Fear apologized, wringing her hands together.

"I know you didn't, I just expected you to already know that she's sensitive to loud sounds."

"I'm sorry!" Fear exclaimed, cringing, as if folding into herself.

"Just get dressed and maybe you can help rectify the situation, by assisting in changing her," Sadness answered, sorrowfully. "And for God's sake, put your body suit back on, do you want to scare our girl into a coma?"

Fear hung her head and slowly pulled the shower curtain, to put her body suit back on. No matter what she did, it always seemed to be the wrong thing, lately. All she wanted to do was keep her human safe, yet that seemingly simple task felt overwhelming, lately.

"Joy, look at me," Sadness directed, as her girl kept on shivering and crying. When Joy finally lifted her head up, Sadness immediately noticed her eyes shone with a mixture of guilt and helplessness. "I know that was really scary but you're perfectly safe, here with us. Everything's going to be alright." As Sadness talked, she walked toward the cupboards over the sinks and pulled out a blue towel pad, a diaper, a box of wipes and powder. Still holding me, Sadness put down the blue towel pad and spread it out, then gently laid me on it. Putting the diaper, wipes and powder to her right, Sadness removed my shoes, socks and pants, then lifted my feet and undid the diaper. Fear slowly pulled back the shower curtain, already dressed and stepped around the blue towel. I shivered slightly at the sudden cool air on my privates, as Sadness slid the soggy diaper out from underneath me.

"Here, hold her legs," Sadness directed, as she carefully rolled up the sodden diaper and got up to throw it in the trash can.

"How are you doing now Joy, okay?" Fear asked, grasping my legs, her eyes still shining with guilt at unintentionally scaring her girl.

"Yeah, you?" I asked, as Sadness trudged back and started taking out a wipe.

Fear looked away, a tear sliding down her right cheek. With her hands already full, Fear didn't bother brushing it away. Instead, if clung to her chin, then fell into her lap.

Sadness looked up and placed a comforting hand on Fear's shoulder. Fear shuddered, as if contact from Sadness brought her some internal pain. More and more tears took the first one's place.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's going to be okay, it wasn't your fault that I got scared," I comforted, struggling to sit up, so I could hug her.

"I'm supposed to protect you but how can I do that when I can't even protect you from myself?" Fear's voice cracked and whined as she spoke. She covered her face with her right hand, her left still holding my legs. Her whole upper body convulsed with her sobs.

"You don't need to protect me from yourself," I said, looking towards Sadness for help.

"Come here, Fear," Sadness offered, holding her arms out for her friend to fall into.

Fear collapsed onto Sadness, letting go of my legs to do so. Finally able to sit up properly, I wrapped my own arms around them both, as far as I could reach them. I wished that Fear would stop crying soon and that what I was doing would provide her some amount of comfort. I only wished that I could do more, that I could somehow, magically, take her pain away, allow myself to suffer from it, instead of her. Then maybe my heart wouldn't ache as badly for her.

Finally pulling back, Fear snuffled loudly, blowing her nose wetly into the handkerchief Sadness offered her, then tensely waited as I slowly and carefully wiped the remaining tears from her eyes.

"Thanks guys, I feel much better now," Fear admitted, then noticed I was squirming slightly from where I was sitting. "Joy, what's wrong?"

"I need to pee again, bad."

"Okay, here we go, don't worry, I've got you," Sadness assured me as she picked me up, as Fear shoved the stall door open at the same time.

"Brr, that's cold," I shivered at my bare bottom's contact with the cold pot. "Don't let go, don't let go, please don't let go," I begged, as Sadness's wide hands wrapped around my waist, at the same time she dropped to her knees.

"I won't I promise," Sadness reassured me, her cerulean blue eyes warm and understanding, as she continued to watch me.

I couldn't help but sigh with relief, as the urgency to pee finally released with the sudden flow of warm liquid. A second later, I winced at the sudden pressure in my stomach. The pressure moved down, to the hole between my bottom.

"Here, let me help you," Fear offered, who had somehow squeezed herself sideways, between the stall wall and the toilet, looking down at me. Ever so carefully, Fear bent down and wrapped her skinny arms around me. I desperately clutched Fear's left arm and grunted, as the pressure intensified, then finally loosened, with the solid, soft log shaped, brown colored mass sliding out with a plop and a sudden splash.

"There now, it's all over with. You did well in both pooping and peeing in the toilet this time," Sadness smiled, as Fear loosened her grip around Joy's middle.

"Thanks but what about the time Fear scared me so much that I peed in my diaper?" I asked. I cringed a second later, as soon as the words left my mouth, for Fear visibly winced and stepped back; looking like she wanted to go through the very wall itself, which was impossible, because it was solid.

"Let's not count that one, you were scared, anyone would have had that kind of reaction," Fear didn't look at me as she suggested that.

Fear reached behind me and flushed the toilet. The sudden rush of loud water made me scramble from the toilet seat and leap into Sadness's arms, shivering. Sadness hugged me, until I willingly stepped back.

"Come on, you still need a diaper change," Sadness reminded me, standing me up and leading me back to the blue towel pad. "Are you coming, Fear?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second," Fear called.

Picking up the wet wipe from the pad with one hand, Sadness lifted both of my legs by my ankles and ever so slowly and carefully wiped my front private parts, sending a pleasant tingling, throbbing sensation through it and a shiver of ecstasy throughout the rest of my body.

"Oh, that feels so good!" I gasped, wishing to feel it, again. A clear, thick liquid squirted out a few seconds later.

"Should she be feeling that way with you wiping her?" Fear asked nervously.

"Well, she already experienced sexual arousal and if she's happy, then I don't have a problem with it."

Sadness carefully slid the diaper around my privates and fastened the sticky tape on both sides. The bottom from of the diaper pleasantly rubbing against my ether, sending more tingling, throbbing sensations along my vagina. I sighed with relief, placing my hand along my privates, causing the throbbing sensation to intensify.

"Sadness, I don't think this is normal, what if she becomes sexually active at her current age? She's just a little girl! Four and a half year olds shouldn't be getting these sexual urges, yet! What if she becomes so desperate to feel sexual arousal that she forces herself onto others? What if she gets charged with crimes because of what she did? What if she gets thrown into jail? We'll never be able to see Mom and Dad again!" Fear's breathing quickly became rapid and erratic as she started listing off worse case scenarios on her fingers.

"Fear, what does sexual arousal mean?" I asked, innocently, "and what does sexual urges mean and sexually active?"

Fear and Sadness stared down at their girl in shock, both of their faces darkening into blushes, at the idea of explaining those complicated meanings to her. They then exchanged uncomfortable looks, as she started rubbing her hand up and down along her privates, to release the throbbing pressure that was building. Finally, I jolted, as the throbbing pressure finally released, the squirting steam launching into the diaper, filling it, warm and comforting, yet thicker than my pee. I noticed a freezing sensation appear in my heart, at seeing Fear's and Sadness's shared worried look and refusal to answer my questions.

"What's this tingling, throbbing pressure I keep on feeling and the clear liquid that keeps on coming out of my privates? Is it bad? Is that why you look that way and won't answer my questions? Am I doing something wrong, feeling this way?"

"I'll let Mom explain that one," Fear stated decidedly, her breathing still rapidly erratic.

"I'll go get your bag Fear, can you stay with Joy?" Sadness asked, standing up as Fear took her place, across from her girl.

"Sure, Sadness," Fear muttered distractedly, as her girl's heart rate quickened and her tone of voice rose an octave higher.

"Is feeling this pleasant thing bad? Is it wrong? Is that why you're not telling me what it is? What is it? Is it dangerous? Is that why everyone's so uncomfortable around me, when I mention it?" I reached my arms out towards Fear, desperately needing some kind of comfort from her.

Fear didn't move from her spot on the floor across from me. She didn't even move a muscle. Would she deny my need because what I did made her uncomfortable? Should I have bothered with asking for comfort at all? Was I even worthy of such comfort, after becoming sexually active, whatever that means?

"Oh no Joy, what you're feeling isn't bad or wrong at all or dangerous," Fear reassured her, gently picking up her girl and setting her across from her on her lap. I scooted closer, until my privates were touching her stomach, as I stared to wriggle slightly, as the tingling, throbbing pressure started, yet again. Fear held me against her, pressing my right ear against her chest, as I continued to squirm around on her lap.

"How can everyone feel so uncomfortable about something that feels so wonderful?" I asked.

"People just don't expect you to ask such questions at such a young age, that's all."

"Ahh," I sighed with relief, as with a jolt, the familiar, clear liquid shot out of my vagina, yet again.

"Why not, am I supposed to feel these things at my age? Is this normal for four and a half year old girls to feel?"

I felt my bladder fill with liquid at the very though, the freezing sensation I had tried to keep at bay spreading from my heart to my arms, legs and brain. The only things that didn't seem to be reacting to the freezing sensation were my private parts. They seemed to have a mind of their own, separated from the rest of my body. That very idea, that I couldn't control myself, scared me.

"I…I, I, I don't know," Fear stuttered out.

Fear's lack of a definite answer made me realize that this experience I was going through wasn't normal, that I wasn't normal, that somehow, although I didn't know exactly how, it was so very wrong, that little girls weren't supposed to feel this tingling, throbbing pressure in their privates, that would finally come out in a sticky, clear, thick liquid and momentary relief, until the next urge came. The lack of knowing why and complete helplessness of stopping it scared me even more.

Finally, my bladder filled, reminding me of a balloon with too much water in it, that was about to burst and burst it did. It was almost a relief to feel the sudden rush of thick yet thin, yellow liquid pour into my new, freshly put on diaper; yet, peeing into it, when Sadness had just changed me, felt wrong, too. The puddle of warm, familiar pee should have felt comfortable and comforting, to finally get it out of my body, something well known and so safe. Doing so didn't feel safe anymore, that felt wrong, too.

Because Sadness had just changed me and would have to do it again, once she came back and she wouldn't have to say a word, the look on her face would be enough to show how very disappointed she was in her human's lack of control of her bodily functions, even though I didn't know how I would do that in the first place. The sound of Sadness's heavy, slow, footfalls, filled me with even more of the freezing feeling, that had somehow slipped down into my stomach, which now felt like a deep, dark pit. The pee spread from my diaper to Fear's pants, covering her lap, soaking it completely. Fear stiffened slightly and shivered but didn't shift or lift her human away from her. She didn't move at all, as her eyes widened at hearing the same thing, lifting her head towards the doorway, where Sadness now stood.

"Fear, I found your paper bag, oh…" Sadness trailed off at seeing the sight before her.

"Oh Joy," Sadness sighed disappointedly, sounding like she had expected as much but hoped that it wouldn't be true, much like how Mom had sounded when her daughter didn't make it to the toilet on time.

I wanted nothing more than to die from embarrassment on the spot. Hopefully, mercifully, painlessly. Then maybe I wouldn't have to feel that icy cold, burning hot feeling, ever again.

Years of pent up stress began to surface in an unstoppable torrent. All I could do now as let the burning heat flow


	14. Chapter 14: Controlling Oneself

Controlled by Fear

Chapter

Controlling Oneself

1995

"We have to do more schoolwork? What about our free time as a reward, after we've worked hard? Ever heard of that concept? They're the words the teacher said before we were forced to be your eight hours slaves, which feels like sixteen hours to us!" Anger yelled, jabbing his finger at the Monitor, his hair starting to smoke and burn with just lit fire.

"Wow, way to be subtle, Anger," Disgust deadpanned.

"Subtle," Anger growled, the rest of his sentence lost in his incoherent mumblings, as he stomped over to the couch and sat on it, opening the Mind Reader newspaper with a snap.

Delight groaned in boredom at the consul, as Joy worked on the school paper in front of her. Her girl had just been lectured for getting up to head for the book on tape, instead of doing her schoolwork, the last thing any of them wanted to do, when there were so many interesting toys to play with and things to explore. Now, with the teacher's aide keeping an eye on her, Joy was focusing on completing the paper in front of her. This meant five very bored emotions, which was never a good sign, because if there was one thing all of them couldn't stand, it was not having anything to do.

"Well, this isn't fun, I'm going to the bathroom, see you in a minute," Delight announced in a singsong tone of voice, before running to the bathroom.

With Delight out of the way to not steal her spotlight, Fear decided to bring up a sensitive subject with Anger, by roleplaying with him. In hindsight, Fear wished she hadn't even though the experience did prepare her for what her host would experience soon. Well, sort of.

"You know Anger, the other emotions and I are beginning to think you can't control yourself," Fear pointed out confidently, watching for the fire head's reaction. Fear spoke in an accurate imitation of Delight's counselor's high pitched, annoying, sing song tone of voice, which automatically aggravated everyone.

"I can **control** myself, _Fear_ ," Anger growled, clenching his fits so hard that his knuckles cracked, disproving his claim, his previously wrinkle free newspaper crumpling between his hands.

"That's exactly what I said!" Fear exclaimed in her best imitation of Delight's excitable voice, sounding even more annoying than the cheerful emotion's one was. "See everyone, Anger won't lose his temper, even if I say how short he is! Look at how much of a shrimp he is! Isn't he so cute!" Fear's voice turned higher pitched than usual, in an exaggerated impression of baby talk, making the rest of the emotions tense, especially Anger, who growled under his breath at being treated younger than he was, on top of ruining his newspaper. "See, no reaction, you try!"

Disgust, who was always good with comebacks, happily tried first. "I don't like your face, when I look at it, I think of poop."

Anger's eyes widened in shock at how insulting Disgust was being towards him. Usually his best friend reserved his comebacks for frustrating situations. Glancing at Fear's smug face instantly told Anger that Fear had put him up to this. "You're dead, frizzle head," Anger growled at her. Fear either didn't notice or didn't care, as she didn't react at all to the fire head's promised threat.

Sadness scurried up, eager to join in, until she got in front of Anger and realized that she could potentially hurt his feelings and make the fire head explode. This was why her voice came out more hesitantly than she had originally meant to. "Um, you're short and your height is short, too…"

"You did a wonderful job controlling your temper Anger! By practicing to control your own anger, Joy can learn how to control hers! Maybe sooner than we think, she can control it so much that she won't feel you at all!" Fear hugged Anger in her excitement, squeezing so painfully hard that Anger feared three of his ribs might break. Roving his eyes around, Anger noticed that Fear was exposing her neck for him to reach, which he took full advantage of.

"Don't **touch** _me_!" Anger roared, grasping his hand around Fear's throat, lifting her until her feet were a few inches off the ground and throttling her, as Fear made a strangled sound of protest, loud enough for every emotion to hear across the room. Nobody noticed the sound of the toilet flushing or the bathroom door swinging open, as Delight reentered the living room.

"So, what excitement did I miss…" Delight trailed off, noticing the shocking sight of Anger throttling Fear in front of her. "Anger, let go of Fear right now!" Delight screamed, running towards the pair.

Coming to a sudden halt a few steps before she reached the two, Delight realized she needn't have bothered pulling Anger's hand from around Fear's throat. Much to her impressed shock, Fear had somehow managed to get her hands onto Anger's, grasped his tightly and slowly started to pry his wrist off. Once Fear got Anger's hand a considerable distance away from her neck, Anger finally let his wrist go limp, making Fear drop to the floor, coughing and sputtering in urgency to get her breath back.

Nobody breathed a word as all four emotions watched Fear gasp on all fours, desperately gulping large lungful's of air. Finally getting most of her breath back, Fear slowly and carefully stood up, her whole body still feeling weak from the sudden lack of energy needed oxygen a few seconds ago. Gingerly feeling her sensitive neck, whose hand shaped outline was bright red, Fear gasped and raced to the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind her.

"How long do you think it'll take for Fear to notice how rash red and sensitive her neck is, after you pressed your hand tightly against it?" Disgust asked, eagerly.

"Oh, it won't take long at all. In five, four, three, two," Anger counted down gleefully.

Fear's high pitched scream of terror echoed loudly from the bathroom, followed a minute later by a loud thud, as she fainted from the shock. Anger and Disgust cackled gleefully at the result of Anger's loss of control, not noticing the glares Delight and Sadness were leveling their way.

"Anger, why did you strangle Fear, what did she ever do to you?" Delight demanded, scoldingly.

"She started it, if Fear hadn't imitated you in her role-playing game to teach me that I'm not useful to Joy anymore or hugged me, then I wouldn't have lost my temper on her!" Anger shouted, defensively.

Delight stared at Anger speechlessly in shock for a few seconds, then glared in fury. "If that isn't the biggest lie I've ever heard, then I don't know what is!" Delight screamed, startling even herself, much less the fellow emotions around her. "Of course Fear didn't imitate me, no one can do our individual jobs and she definitely didn't role-play any games with you or else I would have known about it! You've always bullied Fear because you refuse to try to understand her! If you would attempt to get to know your colleague, then you would find that she's a wonderful person! But no, you have to purposefully pick on her, just because she doesn't act or react just like you do!"

"But, but I," Anger stuttered in shock that he was unfairly getting blamed for something that clearly wasn't his fault.

Delight turned away in a scoff of disgust, to drive the consul, relieved to take her mind off what she had just done to Anger, satisfied despite her lingering worry, that she had done the right thing in scolding Anger. Anger stared speechlessly after her, the freezing sensation inside of him sinking, as he realized that not only did Dad and Mom not believe them about what they were suffering from because of their parents but now they weren't believing each other when they told the truth.

Joy stared ahead of her at the blank, white wall in stunned silence at what she had just overheard, seconds ago. Now, not only did she have to deal with her dad randomly becoming a bully every other month, she had to listen to her emotions arguing and fighting amongst themselves, as well as hearing the thoughts and feeling of their emotions, as well as dealing with her own. If she couldn't trust her emotions to treat each other with gentle respect, whose very presence made up who she was, then who could she trust?

Joy winced as she felt an intense, worrying pressure build in her head, like an invisible wind picking up speed, which she correctly identified as stress. Feeling a sharp tingling in her nose, a burning sting of water fill her eyes and her throat closing up, as a watery ball began rolling up her throat. Joy forced herself to ignore her own sensations of desperately desiring to burst into tears. Letting out a shuddering moan of despair to relieve the pressure building inside of her and ignoring her own intense build of feelings, Joy took a very deep breath and ran her hands against her scalp, to calm herself down and focused on completing the rest of her paper, inwardly cheering at this time, making sure to do both the front and the back sides. Maybe she could impress Mrs. Barnhart and the teacher's aide so much with finishing her work that she could listen to the desired book on tape.

"I finished my papers, now can I go listen to the book-on-tape?" Joy asked the teacher's aide eagerly, rushing up to her and waving the paper under her nose, excitedly.

"No, because you wasted your time trying to avoid work, instead of doing it right away, we have to move on to the next subject."

Delight finally lost her temper at this, yanking the feeling throttles up and slamming the scream button with her fist in fury. The rest of the emotions jumped at their cheerful colleague's explosion and moved away from her in shock, not saying a word. This caused Joy to throw up her hands and scream, then get yelled at, because she had just caused a disturbance in the silent classroom just seconds ago, forcing her to swallow her second scream of even more intense frustration at how unfair life was.


	15. Chapter 15: The Purposeful Accident

Controlled by Fear

The Purposeful Accident

Author's Note: So, I found out that I didn't pass the test, which means I have to study for and retake it, again. I'll also be helping with harvest and getting together with family, which means less time writing. Here's a chapter, until then.

January 15, 1996

"Please change me, I have to go to the bathroom, please, please!" Joy desperately begged. The squeezing pressure in her bladder had become almost unbearable by now. She wouldn't be able to hold it much longer. The bathroom warning in Headquarters sounded more insistently. Their girl would have to run, if she was to make it in time. A few seconds later, she wouldn't even be able to do that, as the squeezing pressure moved right in front of her urethra. That's when the warm, wet liquid finally gushed downwards, filling her underwear right away and pressing up against the folds of her skin, on the edges of her urethra. It then streamed down her legs, filled her socks and ran over her shoes. Mom's eyes widened in horror, then narrowed in disgust.

"Go clean up the mess you made, you brought this on yourself!" Mom snapped, walking towards the kitchen, to start dinner.

"Wait, aren't you going to change me?" Joy called out. "It's why I purposefully peed in the first place!"

"You're five and a half years old, you can go change, yourself."

"Technically, I'm seven and a half," Joy automatically corrected.

"Developmentally you're five and a half."

"Physically though, I'm seven and a half."

"Whatever, the point is, no matter what age you call yourself, you're old enough to know how to use the bathroom. With the new baby coming, I expect you to continue maturing, by helping me out in taking care of the baby, not regressing into a baby. Now, go change into some dry clothes and clean up this mess!"

A tense, horror filled silence loudly rang, as everyone slowly processed what had just happened. Afraid stood completely frozen at the consul, not believing that her plan of getting her mom to change her had backfired so spectacularly. The next second she knew, she realized with an intensely new, freezing sensation, what she had just done to her girl. She hadn't purposefully made Joy wet herself for two years and that was only in self-preservation, to try to prevent the inevitable rape incident.

"We just peed ourselves, I can't believe we just did that!" Afraid gasped, not taking her eyes away from the monitor, as she felt all four of the other emotion's eyes on her. "We're seven and a half years old, old enough to know better than to wet ourselves and we had plenty of time to make it to the bathroom, so why didn't you let us?!" Anger demanded. "This plan didn't work like I had suspected at all..." Afraid thought a little too loudly. A few seconds later, she realized to her own growing horror that she had just spoken those words out loud. Anger was the first to react and the resulting explosion wasn't pretty.

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE?!" Anger furiously screamed, his red hair becoming a burning flame of fire, instantly. Everyone quickly backed away from the fire headed emotion, except for Afraid, who hadn't moved a muscle. She was too frozen in shock to notice anything was wrong, until it was too late to do anything. Despite their great differences in height, Anger somehow managed to reach up and wrap his stubby fingers around Afraid's throat and squeezed.

"I'm sorry Anger...I couldn't help it...I just had to...I...I!" Afraid stuttered, desperately attempting to explain herself, to no avail, not even trying to remove the red brick's chokehold from around her lavender neck, even though the pressure on her tan body suite didn't hurt that much.

"We haven't had a purposeful accident in two years and that was out of self-preservation, now you make our girl pee herself on purpose, making us clean up the mess and traumatizing her further and for what? Just so that she can be the center of attention? Because we certainly aren't getting it now, are we? And we got the wrong kind of attention a few seconds ago, didn't we? How could you do that to us? Why would you do that to us? Just tell me why!"

"Because, with the new baby coming, I'm afraid that we won't be loved, anymore!" Afraid screamed hysterically, surprising herself that she had just admitted her new, greatest fear to herself, not to mention out loud, to any of the four others.

"What?!" Anger gasped, freezing in shock. Nobody else said a word, either.

"I'm afraid that once the new baby arrives, we'll get even more neglected than we already are! That we won't get anymore cuddles or hugs or story time or fun outings by ourselves with Mom or Dad! We won't even get served dinner, we'll have to make it ourselves now, because the new baby will take up too much of their time and we'll either starve or be forced to eat sandwiches for the rest of our lives, because we can't cook! We won't even get comforted when we can't handle the stress of keeping our memories of the Kingdom of Heaven, our mission or even Joy's knowledge of our existence to ourselves, which we have to keep secret at all costs, as you well know! That doesn't even include the buildup of daily stress and problems we need advice and guidance on how to deal with, when something really bad out of the ordinary goes wrong, because Mom and Dad will be too busy looking after the baby! We'll have to comfort her all of the time, instead of sometimes and sometimes even we don't know how to handle a situation and have to ask for help and we won't be able to ever again, because Mom and Dad will be too busy taking care of the baby and I don't want us to be alone! I don't want that added responsibility, not on top of everything else we're having to deal with, too, I won't be able to take it, anymore! As the baby grows older and outgrows his or her crib, we'll have to give up our bed to him or her and sleep on the floor or curl up in the crib, because we won't have a bed to sleep in anymore! And we'll have to give our new brother or sister all of our toys, which means that we won't have anything to play with! Not even a stick or rocks, if we pick those up, because they will be for the baby! We won't even be able to get together on play dates with friends anymore, to play with their toys, because Mom and Dad will be too preoccupied with taking care of the new baby, which means our friends will fall by the wayside and we won't have anyone outside of our family to play with, talk to, encourage and support us! Even our own family will stop caring about us, because they will be too focused on giving attention to the new baby to even notice us! I don't want us to be continuously neglected, I don't want us to be alone, forever!"

"Afraid..." Happy, Anger, Disgust and Sadness trailed off, shocked by what they just heard the fearful emotion admit out loud to them.

Anger let go of Afraid in shock by this point, who threw herself across the consul and burst into passionate tears, slamming the teardrop button and pushing the throttles up with her left hand, whose whole body shook and jerked with her wracking sobs. The pain in her chest was so great that she couldn't help but start screaming, to release some of the pressure that had been building inside of her for a month and a half.

"Afraid, we had no idea that you felt that way, with the new baby coming and all!" Happy gasped, sounding just as shocked as everyone else did.

A large, watery lump formed and expanded in Joy's throat, making it very difficult to breathe, like she was inhaling and exhaling through a straw. Her nose clogged and snot began to run out of her nostrils, as a pain in her chest from all of the pressure she had been holding back all this time, opened up. It was like someone was using her heart as a stress ball, squeezing it until it freely bled all over the place. Stinging moisture filled her eyes, as she desperately tried to hold her tears back. She could hear Disgust grab a particularly traumatic movie memory and load it into the Memory Recording Device. She already knew which memory it would be, having relived it every time she was about to burst into tears. It was the ending of The Worst Day, Ever. The lavender lighted memory automatically played, there was absolutely nothing she could do to prevent herself from watching and listening to it.

"No, Dad, let me out, you have to let me out, you can't keep me locked in here forever!" Joy screamed desperately, pounding on the bathroom door and uselessly twisting the slippery doorknob, attempting to unlock the door, to no avail. Her skin already burned and tingled strongly, red from getting placed in the intensely cold shower but she ignored it. The walls started to move, closing in around her. If she didn't get out of this bathroom, then she would be crushed to death.

If she could just get out of this room and get picked up and placed in Mom or Dad's lap and empathized with that she just had the worst day ever but that's okay, because everyone has those days and everything would be alright and tomorrow's a new day, so it'll maybe be better; then everything would be fine. Heck, she'd even just take a long, comforting, drawn out hug beside either one of their bodies, as long as she got some kind of comfort, to end the day with.

"I'm not letting you out of that bathroom, until you calm down!" Dad yelled back, from the other side of the wooden door.

"I AM CALM! I'M AS CALM AS I CAN POSSIBLY BE CONSIDERING THE SITUATIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES I'M IN AT THIS MOMENT, NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

"Dave, this has gone too far, maybe we should just let her out of that bathroom. Obviously she burst into tears because something's bothering her. Maybe she's had a really bad day and needs to be comforted!"

"Yes, Yes I do need to be comforted, because I just had the worst day ever, now please let me out of this bathroom!" Joy desperately begged.

"No Kelly, I'm not going to have my daughter act like a spoiled brat, by thinking she can get away with anything she wants by crying about it! She can just stay in there, until she calms down enough to tell us what the matter is, if it's even something we need to be concerned about. Kids don't have nearly as many problems as adults do, so it's probably nothing."

"But it's not nothing and there really is something the matter, there's a lot of somethings the matter, if you'll only just open the door and comfort me and let me tell you what it is!" The sounds of Joy's parents footsteps walking away only increased the freezing sensation in her heart, causing it to thicken and spread even more than just to her arms and legs. "Wait, where are you going, you can't just leave me here, can you? Please come back, I need you, Mommy, don't listen to him, you said if I ever needed your help, that you'd be there for me! Well, right now, I really do need your help!" Joy screamed, becoming even more frantic to break down the door, despite wearing herself out in the process.

"I've heard enough, I'm opening that door and comforting my daughter!" Mom exclaimed.

"No! That's exactly what she wants you to do, she's just trying to manipulate you into giving her her way, by playing on your emotions, instead of taking her punishment! Go sit back down at the kitchen table and let me handle it."

Joy couldn't believe what she was hearing! She was by now accustomed to Dad yelling and berating her at home, after getting the same treatment from her first grade teacher at school, earlier in the day. She had even gotten mocked and made to feel lower than dirt and extremely guilty for even admitting to her dad that she had wanted to run away. This though, took the bullying she had weekly suffered from to a whole new level. Dad wouldn't even allow Mom to comfort her, much less do so himself, when clearly, she hardly ever cried and never for no reason at all, much less to get her own way.

"No, don't leave me here, I still need you! Daddy please, daddy please!" Joy begged, only to hear his slow, heavy footsteps walk away, as he continued to convince Mom to refuse to come to her daughter's aide. How odd that those sounds that had once filled her with dread, now filled her with heartache. A kind of hurtful, helplessness completely took over her insides, a self-knowledge that she was powerless to stop any of this from happening. Joy got back into the tub, careful not to go anywhere near the burning freeze of water in front of her.

On further reflection, it was apparent that her suddenly bursting into tears had caused her to get into this whole mess. Maybe if she apologized for crying in the first place, her dad would forgive her. She could tell her parents what had happened earlier that day, get the comfort she needed and move on from this day, learning to never cry in front of them, again. Determined to not give up that easily and carefully observing all of her surroundings, she noticed a nearby towel she dried her hands on.

Cautiously grabbing onto the little, knobby, locking mechanism, Joy finally managed to turn it, after many failed attempts, opened the door and slipped out, into the hallway. Making her way down the hall, passed the living and dining rooms, she finally came to the kitchen, where her parents wordlessly sat. "Mom and Dad, I'm sorry for crying, I understand now that I shouldn't have done that," Joy guiltily apologized.

"How did you get out of that bathroom, when I had locked it?" Dad asked, clearly shocked that she had managed that fantastic feat.

"I just dried my hands and unlocked the door! It took me six tries to unlock the door but I did it!" Joy bragged, clearly proud of herself for doing so.

Afraid shoved Happy out of the way, gripping the leg throttles of the consul, in preparation; instantly noticing that the look in Dad's eyes were clearly changing from shock to anger. She didn't mean to push her best friend out of the way, she was just so desperate to protect Joy that she forgot her own strength. Her whole body stiffened, her trembling hands hovering over the throttles, worriedly, trying to anticipate the next threat.

"I'm not angry at you for crying, I'm angry at you for manipulating me with your tears, through acting overly emotional for no reason than to get your own way! Now get back in that shower and stay in there until I say you can come out or else I'll make you regret that you were ever born!"

Knowing by now to take all threats Dad made seriously, Joy ran as fast as she could back to the bathroom and forced herself to get back underneath the painfully burning freeze of the shower. Remembering that her emotions were still at the consul and recognizing the watery, cleansing, sinking presence and nervous, restless energy of Sadness and Afraid, respectively, she decided to turn to those two. Maybe she could reason with her emotions and get them to stop hurting her. "Sadness, Afraid, I know it's you two who are causing this, this hurts so much, please make this pain stop, I can't take it anymore!" Joy begged, nearly crying from the intensity.

"I'm so sorry Joy, I know this really hurts and we don't mean to cause you any pain but you have to go through this to learn about why you must never cry, again." Sadness's somber tone of voice was wracked in guilt as she spoke, tears endlessly streaming down her cheeks and her breath painfully hitching, as Afraid worriedly pulled out her own handkerchief and started gently wiping away her tears, as Sadness's hands were too preoccupied with the consul, to do so, herself.

"You can scream and cry in front of us if you need to, no one will hear you underneath the roar of the shower head," Afraid suggested, her nervous, high pitched voice trembling with worry. Joy's heart twisted painfully at Afraid's words. It was as if several invisible forces were stabbing her heart with sharp knives and beating it up into a barely unrecognizable, bloody pulp. The last time she had felt like this, was the year before last, when her trust was betrayed by an adult male she was supposed to trust, who had stolen her most precious gift. This pain was even worse than just that, because she had more than just one hurtful event that she was now dealing with. First her first grade teacher continuously made fun of her for every single little mistake she made in class, turning her classmates against her, because they were just blindly following their leader, who put on an innocent act in front of the parents but acted completely different behind closed doors. Then her dad, who was supposed to protect and comfort her, repeatedly refused to do so and was in fact causing her even more pain, by emotionally beating her down. Now, Afraid and Sadness claimed they couldn't take away her pain, yet she was allowed to scream it out, when previously, they had always managed to make it better. Joy could hear a pain filled scream echo around the bathroom, over the loudly pounding hum of the shower's water. It took a few seconds to realize that the sound she had just heard came from her very throat. Instead of the pain lessening, though, it increased.

"Make it stop! It hurts so damn much! Please make it fucking stop!" Joy screamed, the weak, vulnerable helplessness sensation slamming into her heart, on top of her pain.

"We can't make it stop, Joy! We're so sorry, we're so very sorry!" Sadness moaned.

"We don't mean to hurt you! Please believe us, that's the last thing we want but you have to feel us!" Afraid yelled, desperately clutching the throttles in a death grip, as the whole consul began to rattle with resistance, at the same time the high pitched, red sirens started loudly wailing. "You traitors! You said you'd always be there for me to comfort me, whenever I need it, day or night! Where are you now, when I need you the most?!"

By this point, Sadness was balling so hard that she could barely breathe, much less speak. Afraid took over, hugging Sadness and vigorously rubbing her upper back, as she pressed the rest of her body up against the consul, to transfer her energy into it. "We're still right here, I know this is very painful, JoyJoy-" Afraid began, only to be cut off by her girl's mirthless laugh that startled her so badly that she banged her head against the ceiling with a crack and a loud whimper. "Painful? Painful?! I'm feeling the same amount of pain as I did when I realized just how much trust Jeremy took from me, the very kind I never wanted to feel, ever again! Only this time, it's even more so and worse than last time, because I'm forced to deal with even more fucking shit than last year and you call this painful?!"

Afraid didn't trust herself to speak. What could she possibly say, after that? Feeling Sadness shaking, as she started hacking from barking coughs, Afraid gently rubbed the blue emotion's back more slowly.

"I don't want to feel anymore if living through repeated trauma is this painful! I don't want to hear my emotions anymore, if they can't help me, by easing my pain! I don't want my emotions influence on me, anymore!"

"NO!" All five of the emotions screamed out in horror.

"No, you can't, that will be catastrophic! Please JoyJoy, don't do that to yourself! I beg of you, please!" Afraid screamed, her face losing all color and her whole body feeling both light and weak at the same time, as she spoke.

"JoyJoy, please listen to Afraid! I know that you're hurting very badly right now but shutting all of us out isn't going to help matters, it's only going to make the pain worse and more intense, once you do feel it!" Happy explained, worriedly.

By this time, the pain had spread to every inch of her body and was so intense, that breathing felt like blowing into a long, narrow straw. All Joy could feel was the intense hurt, all over. She was sure that she would combust, from keeping that much pain hidden. After all, that's how her brain seizure had started, in the first place. "But it hurts so fucking much, I can barely breathe, it hurts so badly!" Joy gasped.

Everybody winced as the inevitable happened. There was a loud herk sound, then a splash as Sadness stuffed her face into a barf bucket. Afraid continued to worriedly rub her close comrade's back. "It's, BURP, okay, BURP, to, BURP, hurt, BURP, that, BURP, much, BURP," Sadness gasped, gulping in large, lungful's of air, as she lifted her head from the barf bucket. A few seconds later, she let out a loud, long belch that echoed all over Headquarters and startled everyone, including herself. Sadness blushed, the red heat from embarrassment turning her naturally blue face a deep purple. "Sorry," Sadness apologized, setting aside the barf bucket for now.

"Sadness, are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor? Because those burps like that aren't normal, they usually mean something's wrong!" Afraid exclaimed, tightly clutching the stocky, blue emotion to her chest, cupping her hand and gently but firmly patting Sadness on the back. "Afraid, please calm down, I'm just fine. I just have gas, that's all! This really feels very nice, though...BURP! Ah, that's much better, thanks, BURP! Sorry, BURP! Excuse me, BURP!" Sadness gasped.

Afraid leaped into the air at each sudden noise, then silently held Sadness for a moment, as Sadness gently rested her head on Afraid's chest. Both of them laughed with their girl, as Joy giggled at the sounds her pessimistic emotion was making. A few seconds later, Joy screamed, as the unbearable pain took over, yet again.

"I can never cry, again," Joy moaned, as the pain gradually began to slowly lessen. As she spoke, she knew she couldn't make that promise, there would be times when she would have to cry. "I'll never cry in front of anyone, again," Joy tried again but knew that she couldn't keep that promise, either. Doing so would impede her from getting comfort from others. "I will never cry in front of others that I know I can't trust, again," Joy sighed and she knew that was a promise she could keep.

By this point, Joy stumbled towards the other side of the bathtub and sat down, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking slightly, in her all-consuming worry, her mind feeling numb, by now. "I don't want to visit Safe Place right now, at least for tonight," Joy sighed to her emotions, who instantly understood.

"Joy, you can get out of the shower now!" Dad called from outside the bathroom door, moving the chair that he had earlier used to block it.

Joy scrambled up from her sitting position, cautiously stepping over the edge of the tub and ran into her bedroom. Once she got to her bed, she yanked back the covers and covered herself with them, shivering with more than just coldness. The pain was still there, increased from the first time she ever felt it, yet, still manageable.

Anger gently guided Sadness to the couch, then took her place at the consul. It was only then that his hair burst into flames, this time turning from a fiery orange to a bright blue. "It's not fair, it's just not fair at all! Dad was supposed to protect and comfort me, for having the worst day, ever! Instead, he caused me pain and made me not to trust him! I can never fully trust him again after this, ever! I hope I catch a cold from sleeping in wet clothes and get sick from all of this! That'll serve him right for putting me in a freezing cold shower! I'm just so exhausted..." Joy muttered, finally drifting off to sleep.

The monitor darkened, at long last, to all five emotions intense relief. Turning to his comrade and oldest best friend, Anger kindly patted Afraid on the back for a job well done, who let out a loud and startled burp, as well as still looking severely shaken. "Who needs the doctor now, Afraid?" Anger gently teased mischievously, continuing to pat the fearful emotion on the back. "Shut, burp, up, burp, Anger, BELCH!" Afraid gasped, looking like she might either vomit, pass out or do both at the same time, by this point.

"Guys, it stopped being funny the first five times," Joy snapped in annoyance, waking up from all of the loud noise going on in her headquarters.

"It never was funny, Joy!" Anger snapped hotly back, his hair flaming for a second, before settling down.

"Oh... what do we do?"

"We just wait it out." "Are you sure you're alright? 'Cause you look sick!" Worried concern made Anger's gravely voice rise. Both knew that Afraid had a sensitive stomach, almost as much as Disgust's, so neither were surprised by her loudly expelling a bunch of gas, all at once, through her mouth. They were both just disturbed by how much was coming out that evening. "No, burp, I'm, burp, not, burp, alright, belch! I, burelch! need a hug, burelp! Oh, my poor stomach!" Afraid groaned in pain, dropping to sit on the ground, at Anger's height. Anger carefully leaned up and pulled Afraid close to his body, continuing to comfortingly pat her on the back. "Angurp! Please, BURP, make it, BURP, STOURP!" Afraid gasped, her voice both rising and cracking hysterically, a sure sign she was about to burst into tears, from the stress of it all. "Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, just calm down and take it easy kid. There's no need to get upset, it'll all be over soon okay? I'm taking Dream Duty tonight Afraid, no questions asked!" Anger insisted, as Afraid rested her chin on Anger's shoulder and continued to loudly belch.

"Nourp! Oh, fine! Burelchp!" Afraid gasped, "but I'm sleeping on the couch, near our girl, BURP! BELCH, BARP, BUURRRPPPP!"

"C'mon Afraid, let's get you onto that couch, you look absolutely exhausted, Sweetheart," Anger spoke gently, as Afraid's body weakened and collapsed and Anger was forced to carry the lanky emotion bridal style to the sofa. Gently laying Afraid onto the couch, Anger unzipped and peeled off her body suite. Then, making sure her head was resting onto the soft pillow beneath her, Anger carefully pulled the Afghan across her body and smoothed the nerve's axon against her head, who moaned in comfortable pleasure and finally fell into a peaceful sleep. The memory finished with a click and fell out of the Memory Recording Device, once it finished playing.

The wet underwear rubbed up against Joy's uretha, sending up a squeezing, tingling sensation and causing more urine to gush out. Despite wanting to sink through the carpet, never to be seen again, the act of relieving oneself felt good, comforting, familiar to Joy, something she already knew how to do from previous experience. A few seconds later, a pressure made itself known in her intestines, moving downwards. The bathroom signal flashed and the low, warning siren sounded again.

"Come on, let's get cleaned up, everything will be fine, it'll be alright, I promise that it'll be fine. I know that you feel uncomfortable right now but in a few minutes, we'll get into some nice, dry clothes and you'll feel much better," Sadness encouraged, gently prodding Joy to move forward, nudging Afraid out of the way, as she did so, who was still loudly and violently weeping on top of the consul.

"I'm afraid she's not going to make it!" Sadness gasped in horror, as Joy took a few running steps, then nearly collapsed from the intense pressure. "

Yes she is, she has to!" Anger insisted, shoving the arms, legs and spine throttles up, which only made their girl start to stand up, then bend over, clutching her vagina, as her bottom exploded in pain, from the blockage.

"What do we do now?"

"We need her to squat down," Sadness directed, guiding Joy into a crouching position. "WHAT?!" Anger exclaimed, in shock.

"It's the only way for her to get the poop out, painlessly! Come on Joy, just squat down and gently push, that's it," Sadness gently encouraged, as Joy crouched, her bottom squeezing and releasing, as a large, soft, mushy, firm elongated mass gently pushed itself into her underwear, landing with a soft plop on top of her urine. Despite wanting to die from the shame of defecating in her underwear, on top of urinating too, Joy couldn't help but sigh in relief.

"Well, on the bright side, the bowel movement didn't hurt this time and that's a good thing, right, right?" The Happy-go-lucky emotion asked desperately, only to earn herself glares from the others.

"Shut up Happy, nobody asked you!" Both Anger and Disgust snapped.

"Sunshine, we appreciate your optimistic attitude but right now is really not the time for us to do perky, okay?" Sadness asked compassionately, gently prodding Joy to cautiously get up and carefully make her way to the bathroom.

Never one who was any good at comforting, yet knowing that he had to do something to show that he cared about his fellow colleague, Anger cautiously reached up and gently padded Afraid's back, who startled, stiffened and choked with half-suppressed sobs, at the sudden pounding. Noticing the problem he had just caused and with guilt filling his mismatched eyes, at making it worse, Anger quickly turned his gentle pats into vigorous rubs, to the rhythm of Afraid's shutters and gasps. More quickly than expected, Afraid's screaming and crying slowed down, to loud hiccups and sniffles, until she finally raised her head up.

"Thanks Anger," Afraid spoke gratefully, her voice still thick with both emotion and mucus. Wordlessly taking Sadness's offered handkerchief, Afraid buried her face into it and started to both blow her runny nose and wipe her streaming eyes. After wiping her face, Afraid slowly raised her head and pressed a few buttons, as Joy sat on the toilet, both urine and feces suddenly exploded out of her rear end.

"I don't think I can get up off this toilet, even if I wanted to! Please, may I come into Safe Place?" Joy asked, shakily.

"Of course, you're always welcome, here!" Fear smiled with excitement. In a few seconds, Joy's whole body filled with pain and the next thing she knew, her knees painfully slammed into the tiled floor of her Headquarters, as she collapsed with exhaustion, onto the floor.


	16. Chapter 16: Tears of Happiness

Controlled By Fear

Author's Notes: Hi everyone! I got an interview and some interest but no job as a Paraprofessional, so I'm applying for a Substitute Teaching Position and studying for the third Teaching Certificate Exam. Despite having a lot of time on my hands, I've been greatly struggling with saving my work. Each time I get something figured out, I end up repeatedly finding my work has been deleted, it's crazy! Enough with my rant, on with the story!

Chapter Sixteen

Tears of Happiness

Monday, September 5, 1994

"I have an idea, let's all list what Joy should be happy about!" Happy exclaimed, to the incredulous groans of the others. "That'll cheer us up and it's a good thing, right?"

"Fine, let's start with how unfairly Mrs. Koziol treats us by singling us out to ridicule and make fun of us in front of the entire class for any little mistake we make, which from my observation are a lot every day, which makes our classmates laugh and make fun of us and cause us to be the social reject, because they're just following the leader," Anger snarled in a falsely chipper voice, in a mocking imitation of Happy, with a clearly sarcastic undertone to his voice.

"Mrs. Koziol's guidance of how the class should behave towards us means we don't have any friends, even our former friends are rejecting us for more sociable companions, as if making new friends was already easy," Disgust pointed out, his voice just as mockingly fake as Anger's.

"Our other friends who go to different schools don't know how hard our life is, because even though they also don't have any classmates for friends, they don't have to deal with a mean monster of a teacher who makes our lives a living hell. No one would believe us if we somehow got passed the filter and told an adult what was happening, because it's so outrageous; especially with how Mrs. Koziol acts so nice when the parents are around, then is the complete opposite, once we're alone with her for the school day, which is depressing," Sadness sighed.

"Well, I wouldn't say our lives are hell, as we've been there, not to mention tortured there in our ninth reincarnated life," Happy began, only to be cut off

"We don't dare tell how bad our life is because somebody decided to beg to see our friend's mom for a sleepover or to see our friend the next day or next week," Anger growled, his gravelly voice making his words come out sharper than they would have otherwise.

"Sorry, I didn't know pleading for a sooner playdate than once a month would make Janine and her mom act like that," guilt radiated off of Afraid's voice when she brought that memory up.

"AND WE'RE LOSING HOPE OF ANYTHING EVER GETTING BETTER AGAIN!" Afraid exclaimed, her naturally shrill voice now on the verge of panic, throwing her arms out for emphasis.

"Okay, so this year didn't start out the best but surely with an optimistic attitude and a cheerful outlook on life," Happy tried again.

"THERE'S NOTHING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT!" Anger roared, his bright red hair bursting into flames as he finally lost his temper with Happy.

Happy winced as if Anger had struck a physical blow at her. A watery sensation she couldn't name rose up from her chest and tightly gripped her throat, squeezing it so hard that she felt she could hardly breathe. In seconds, her eyes burned and filled with unshed tears, as her chin trembled uncontrollably.

"Happy, Anger didn't mean to hurt your feelings, it's just that," Sadness began cautiously but was cut off by Happy, who threw herself down onto the consul with a cry of anguish and burst into tears. The whole consul lit up a bright yellow at this, as Happy's whole body shook with gasps and suppressed moans, as she visibly shuddered from her grief.

The rest of the emotions stood dumbstruck at watching the bubbliest personality of the whole group burst into tears. None of them had ever seen her cry before, although each of them had wept at how stressed they constantly were in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Sadness sobbed the most publically out of all of them but even she didn't cry at the drop of a hat.

Joy frowned at this strangely sad giddiness she was feeling, wondering if any of her other emotions were going to comfort Happy or at least drag her off the consul, noticing if they didn't do something soon, Joy herself would burst into tears from the effects of Happy. Joy drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them to comfort herself. Although she couldn't see what was going on inside her mind, she could certainly hear the stressful events that were transpiring at that very moment.

"Guys, shouldn't we get Happy off the consul? She's affecting Joy," Afraid fretted, noticing her host's posture and watering eyes. Crying for a reason her host couldn't say out loud would be a disaster and cause both the teacher and the classmates to label her an attention seeking, self-centered, spotlight grabber, the last thing any of them needed right now.

"I know Joy can't be happy all the time, that's unrealistic but I just want to give her a happy childhood like all kids are supposed to have, is that too much to ask?" Happy questioned between gasps and moans, voicing one of her biggest doubts for the first time.

"No, of course not Sunshine," Sadness comforted, using her affectionate nickname for her best friend, as she shuffled towards her. "We all want Joy to have a happy childhood, it just looks like Joy won't get that privilege, what with how she can't find any reprieve in school for her home life or at home for her school life or through watching movies or through playing by herself or through playing with her friends or through doing fun stuff with Mom or through comforting dreams, which is really sad."

"You mean there's no hope that any of these current circumstances will get better, Joy won't ever be able to feel any happiness, ever again?" Afraid gasped in horror, voicing one of her biggest Afraids for the first time in her life, in turn.

"You mean Happy doesn't have a purpose in Joy's life," Anger gasped.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that, please don't take it the wrong way," Sadness Afraidfully begged as Happy sobbed even harder at her own and their words. "What I mean is Joy might not have the ideal childhood that people look back on with nostalgic longing but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a purpose in our girl's life. There's no happy days, just happy moments but we can create those for our girl to remember and have hope to hold on to."

Sadness cringed as Happy wept even harder at her words, soaking the top of the consul and silently praying that the buttons and levers were water proof or else they would all have to replace yet another consul, this time from Happy soaking it from her tears. The mind workers were already getting frustrated by the continuous replacement of consuls and control panels as it was, those things were financially expensive, after all.

"Come here Happy," Sadness spoke gently, carefully lifting the naturally cheerful emotion's upper body and leaning it on herself, encircling her arms around the shuddering girl and rubbing small circles into Happy's back, in a comfortingly slow rhythm. "I know it hurts and I know Joy won't get the happy childhood she should have. We'll lose this opportunity and we won't get it back. It'll be gone, forever."

"Sadness! Don't make Happy feel any worse than she already does!" Afraid moaned, worried that now they'd never get Happy to calm down if Sadness went on talking like this.

"Sorry," Sadness apologized, turning her head to glance at Afraid, before turning her attention back to Happy.

Afraid started biting her nails as she continued to watch Sadness comfort Happy. Although always looking on the down side of life and very sensitive to perceived hurts, Sadness was the calm counselor of the group, the compassionate ear everyone went to when they had a problem and the comforting shoulder to cry on. Her methods may be unorthodox but the whole group needed her to keep them grounded and in touch with everyone's feelings. Afraid knew this from reading a description of what the emotion of sadness did on her profile in the Mind Manuals, volume two, just like Afraid's job was to keep her host safe from dangerous situations. Knowing Sadness's purpose didn't make watching her work any easier, though.

"I know it hurts to be disappointed by not having your life's expectations met, especially when TV shows and movies show you the very thing you desire and feel like you should have in your life. You cry as long as you need to, I'm here, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere," Sadness encouraged, slightly rocking Happy from side to side, as she continued to gently rub her best friend's back. "There we go, good job, you're doing great," Sadness continued as Happy let out a few more choked, half suppressed sobs, before finally pulling away and taking the Kleenex Sadness offered to blow her nose and wipe her eyes, as she continued to sniffle.

"I'm really sorry I burst into tears like that, usually I just cry to myself in my room," Happy couldn't bear to look at her colleagues in the face, as she admitted this. Instead, she stared down at her shoes, which suddenly seemed extremely fascinating at the moment. "I just can't stand that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I just can't give Joy a childhood full of happiness! I'd give anything for Joy to be a normal kid!" Secretly horrified as her eyes filled with tears that spilled over yet again from voicing her most passionate desire for her girl and in desperate need of comfort, Happy threw herself at Sadness, wrapping her arms around the stocky emotion's neck and burying her head in her best friend's indigo sweater.

"So would I, oh Happy, so would I!" Sadness gasped, bursting into tears herself at the shared longing and wrapped her arms around the waist of the happy emotion.

"Hey, hey, hey, take it easy there. Don't cry, you'll make me cry too," Afraid nervously chuckled, trying to make light of this sad situation. This only made the two girls in front of her cry even harder, by now giving her murderous looks.

Afraid glanced over at the only two male emotions in the group, who shrugged at her, looking as clueless as she felt. Not knowing what else to do and unable to come up with any words of comfort at that moment, Afraid shakily wrapped her arms around the two still sobbing girls. Eventually, she stepped away, crossing her arms to wait, as Happy and Sadness pulled away from their hug to wipe their eyes and blow their noses.

"How, how did you do that?" Afraid asked Sadness, hesitatingly, while both waited for Happy to compose herself.

"Do what?" Sadness asked, as if comforting her best friend was the easiest thing in the world to do.

"What you just did, comfort Happy like that, get her to cry on you instead of the consul and make things better; instead of worse like I seem to."

"Well, I don't know, I just saw that Happy was obviously sad, so I listened to her, hugged her, empathized with her pain and tried to make her feel better."

"I guess it's kind of like when I hug and talk to our fellow colleagues, when they feel scared, like I do."

"Yes, exactly!" Sadness grinned, feeling her heart lighten at her leader's understanding

"I wish I could comfort people like you do," Afraid sighed in longing, "you always seem to know the perfect thing to say."

"So do you, when the other emotions feel scared because you feel scared most of the time, just like I feel sad most of them time."

Feeling a rush of gratitude, Afraid hugged Sadness tightly. "Thank you Sadness," Afraid sighed happily.

"You're welcome, Afraid."

"I'm sorry I burst into tears for the second time today," Happy apologized, again refusing to meet Afraid's and Sadness's faces.

"There's no need to be sorry for crying Happy, it's healthy to cry if you need to," Happy gave Sadness a watery smile for her words of wisdom.

"It's just a little frightening," Afraid admitted. "Only because I've never seen you cry before," she insisted at the strange looks they were giving her.

"I'm glad to see that at least my feelings are getting along with each other."

All five emotions cringed at this, knowing their host was referring to Mom and Dad arguing across the dinner table more often, due to the stress they were under. Afraid and Sadness especially hated when Mom and Dad argued, being the most sensitive of the group to confrontations. All of them privately worried about whether Joy's parents frequent arguments meant a divorce in the future, though, knowing that's how parents separations started, after all.

"We're called emotions Joy, not feelings," Anger corrected.

"Sorry," Joy cringed at getting the term wrong.

"It's not your fault, you didn't know."

"How are you hearing us Joy, we aren't anywhere near the microphone," Afraid nervously pointed out, trying to change the subject.

"I can always hear you when you're particularly stressed, which is a lot, lately."

Afraid's mind whirled as she tried to make sense of that based on the Mind Manuals she read but all that thinking did was give her a painful headache. Afraid clenched her teeth and hissed in pain as she massaged her right temple and decided to reflect on that idea at another time, preferably when she was trying to avoid sleep or to keep awake during yet another boring scene on Dream Duty.

"Um guys, I hate to break up this heart touching bond between us but who's driving?" Disgust asked.

With a gasp of terror that they left their girl alone to fend for herself without feeling their presence, there was a mad scramble for the consul, as everyone jockeyed for position, reaching over each other to make their host feel them first. There were also a lot of yells in protest, as they accidentally slapped and hit each other, in the process. All of them were clumsy and would awaken the next morning with many bruises all over their arms and hands, the next morning.

"Joy, why aren't you working?" Joy's first grade teacher asked, glaring down at the seven and a half year old girl, sitting at her desk.

"I didn't do anything!" Joy shrieked, squirming at feeling all five of her emotions all at once.

"That is obvious, get to work."

Joy sighed with relief as Mrs. Koziol turned away from her desk to stalk yet another kid who wasn't working on schoolwork.


End file.
